29 December 2009

Corgi Tuesday - December 29

It's no secret that I'm an anime fan. I am an unusual one because I hate terrible anime (which there is a lot of) and I bathe regularly. But one stereotypical anime fan thing I do is like Cowboy Bebop. Everyone likes Cowboy Bebop, even people who hate anime.

For once, cosplay done right.

How can anyone not like Cowboy Bebop? It has about everything you could want in a TV show. It has great music, vampy trampy women, the mafia, bounty hunters, accidental ingestion of hallucinogenics, Kareem Abdul Jabar in the future, and... a genius corgi!

This is why 2/3's of corgis are named Ein.

If you feel like taking a TV break today, watch a corgi-centric episode: Episode 2 - Stray Dog Strut. It is worth watching for the savage corgi attack and chase scene (part 2 for those who want to skip to it).

28 December 2009

New YEAR; New Wallpaper - 12-28-09

artist unknown
click image for large - 1600px × 1000px

It's New Years! Go out and do shit! Get your taxes files in a month from now!

24 December 2009

Crazy Shit I Have Witnessed - Christmas Bread

Impulse buy from the bakery last year! Braided Christmas bread!

Christmas braided bread

It looks a lot more interesting than it tastes. It was tasty bread but it was all the same flavor with food coloring.

For Christmas Eve, please enjoy a Cold War era carol:

23 December 2009

Last Minute Wishes: Lazertits and bows

Dear Santa:

I know it's rather late in the season to be writing to you and I'm about 17 years older than your usual audience. But this is an emergency. See, I was browsing "Not Just A Label" and came across somethings I need.

I am not a jewelry person, save earrings. I wear cheap costume jewelry like earrings the size of tea saucers or necklaces that my aunt gives me for my birthday. But I seriously could use this black leather ring.


See? It's in the shape of a bow, so it is Christmas themed in a way.

Also I need this dress for New Years Eve ASAP.

Batteries not included (also the lasers aren't real)

First off all, I'm a nerd and nerds love lasers which is why I often black out and find myself suddenly conscious at Pink Floyd laser shows. Nerds love lasers because lasers means technology and science fiction, which are areas where nerds are comfortable with. If it reminds us of light sabers and phasers, we're all for it.

Secondly, it is a dress that is described as a "[h]ot partydress with lazertits." Lazertits. That's two great things combined there; lasers and breasts. Inside the green part is a small picture of rocks which brings to mind a funny image of someone trying to see the picture while the dress is being worn by a stranger.

Alright Santa. Peace out!

21 December 2009

New Week; New Wallpaper - 12-21-09

artist unknown
click image for large - 1229px × 819px

I love church on Christmas eve. You come out at midnight and everything is muffled into silence yet the outside world radiates a quiet happiness. Snow doesn't smother sound but rather dampens it with a fluffy blanket of fresh snow.

Merry Christmas.

18 December 2009

Gift Guide for Men (you hate)

It is a bit late in the Christmas season for a gift guide, but I really want to help my readers. There are many articles and websites dedicated to what to get your dad, your boyfriend, and your brother. We do things different here at Goodlookingcorgi.

This is a gift guide for men you hate (or men who like bright pastels, are probably too tan, and are from Miami). All you have to do is spend a lot of money at Lilly Pulitzer.

For your brother or cousin who can't stop making testicle references:


Everyone knows That Guy who won't stop talking about his crotch. Give him a subtle joke with swim trunks with what looks like beach balls all over it.

Gift is also appropriate for: men who have suffered testicular torsion, Lance Armstrong.

For the weird IT guy who wears Hawaiian shirts:

Printed Necktie (in Limeade Piranha)

It's a really loud necktie in nauseatingly bright colors. That's all there is.

Gift is also appropriate for: Anyone you've ever known, your dad if he complains "Don't get me another necktie that I'll never wear."

To any nerd you've wanted to beat up on for simply being too nerdy:


Men always look better in a button down shirt but that doesn't excuse the kind of guys you know wear pocket protectors. See the pattern name is "Blue Twirly" which is sounding a lot like swirly which is what you do to nerds. This a subtle swirly to whoever wears this shirt.

Gift is also appropriate for: The weird IT guy who wears Hawiian shirts.

To any man you can trick into wearing this:



Don't forget the matching pants.

17 December 2009

Bad ass jewelry + animal cruelty

Everyone: have your significant other return whatever s/he is getting you because it won't be as awesome as what you can get here. I have designed the most bad ass line of jewelry in the world. I'm gonna put that Wendy Brandes out of business for good! Take that, Wendy! You with your gold and your gems and your cute chicken necklaces!

How to make an instant ouroboros necklace or bracelet:

You will need:
  • A live snake of desired size

Step 1. Find a snake.

Step 2. Put snake in a small enclosure. Wait until it bites it's own tail.

Step 3. Put snake around neck or wrist.

GENIUS. Nobody steal this idea, ok? I need that money to become a millionaire. Then I can buy that cute egg and chicken necklace.

16 December 2009

Scarves blow; Neckies rock

Everyone knows that if you want to look fashionable French, wear a scarf.

Well, that fact has just been shattered. Scarves are overdone. Now it's time for the next big thing:


Why the Necky is better than a scarf:
  • No "chilly gaps and gaping holes"!
  • It is designed to keep you chest and neck warm, unlike scarves!
  • It is available in "Designer Leopard"!!!!!
  • You can't shut it in a car door (like I frequently do with my hair)
  • You can use it cover your face!
  • It folds up into it's own pouch and you can put it in your pocket!
  • Your kids will never lose it because kids never lose the crap they put in their nasty hobbit pocketses!
  • I'm so excited and I just can't hide it!

Citations: Scarves are too hard and you have to be a genius to put one on. Eat that, pashima shawls!

15 December 2009

Corgi Tuesday - December 15

Did I hear a request for Nutcracker music set to cute dog stunts with multiple camera angles? No? Well, too bad. You're getting that anyway.



Note: Actually it's not a good idea to let your corgi jump from high heights often. The people in the video say their corgi doesn't do it anymore.

14 December 2009

New Week; New Wallpaper - 12-14-09

Double whammy of dual monitor goodness. For those of us with just one monitor, we'll just have to choose or split up the week. Monday-Wednesday, the first one, and we'll put up the second one of Thursday for the rest of the week.



11 December 2009

Lady Gaga Confession

This is goodlookingcorgi and I love Lady Gaga.

It hasn't been an easy realization. Becoming a Lady Gaga fan is like going through the Kübler-Ross five stages of grief.

1. Denial

At first, you see her and think, "Oh no, another generated pop star with crappy music. Forget this."

2. Anger

"LoveGame is the worst song in existence. I hate this song so much. It makes me want to kill something. Someone. Anything. This is the worst."

3. Bargaining

"Alright. Pokerface is pretty catchy. I have a soft spot for techno and club music. But that's no excuse for LoveGame. Then again I love Daft Punk and Technologic gives me a blinding headache anytime I hear it."

4. Depression

"I am way too snobby about music to admit to liking a pop star. I can't get Paprazzi out of my head to save my life. Ugh!"

5. Acceptance


"Bad Romance is too awesome. End of discussion."



How can you not like Lady Gaga? She is a crazy person who sings wonderfully, does a great Ray Charles impression on the piano, displays a beautiful yet hideous twist on female sexuality, and dances quite badly. She references Hitchcock films, David Bowie, 90s dance music, HG Giger, and gyroscopes. That's all stuff I like!


I wish I could wake up and put on a gyroscope in the morning. I don't even have a little gyroscope to wear as a hat. She has two different gyroscopes to wear because one is not enough for her. Lady Gaga is living the dream for me. (Incidentally, Lady Gaga does not show up on the first page of Google Image search when you type in "gyroscope". Is there something we can do to fix that?)

On the topic of Lady Gaga's crazy clothing, I want a huge faux polar bear robe to wear. For one, it looks pretty warm and cozy provided you didn't trip over it while running down the store when FedEx people ring the doorbell. For two, it looks really cool. For three, it would keep tigers from attacking your back.


Bonus: Lady Gaga is a cenobite. She... Is... Pain.

10 December 2009

Crazy Shit I Have Witnessed - An Incredibly Small Kitten

A year ago, my little sister informed me that, in addition to the hulking black cat she took from home, she had adopted a small stray kitten. Assholes on the internet love cats. 4chan stalkers and lolcats have proved this to be law. Being an asshole on the internet, I love cats. I especially love kittens.

We arrived at her apartment. "He's in my room."

I burst down her bedroom door, driven for a thirst for kitten cuteness. But I see no kitten.

"He might be sleeping under my pillow."

Out crawled the tiniest kitten in the world, named Mr. Monk.

Those are normal sized pillows. He is an abnormal sized kitten.

Oh my lord. I couldn't believe. A kitten so small he slept in the gap between a pillow and the bed. He was so tiny that he couldn't jump off the bed. He would flip off the edge of the bed into a pile of pillows my sister provided to lessen the chances of injury and brain damage.

FYI: My school ID is the same size of a driver's license.

Mr. Monk is now about a year old and has grown into a large, lanky cat. He is also a complete and utter asshole who bites everyone and climbs window screens in his spare time.

09 December 2009

Outfit download: The rest of November

11-22-09

The patterned tights reappear! And unfortunately, this experiment went array. While patterned tights look adorable on my calves, they are less opaque on thighs. Well, live and learn to check that sort of thing in the mirror!

11-23

I love this blazer. Know why I bought it? It reminded me of the jacket the wizard father in "Ponyo" wears. Yes, I am dressing like an anime character. You can't get much nerdier than that.


I bought a sweater on Black Friday. Ok, it was at 6PM and the store was nearly empty, but hey, I actually went out on Black Friday. Didn't even have to murder a housewife to get the sweater either.

11-29-09

Also check out my space cowboy boots. Even after a year, I can't decide if they are awesome or dumb or both but I continually wear them. I like to feel like I'm a futuristic astronautical babe.

11-30-09

Do you know how often you can wear a sequined miniskirt? Turns out you can wear it all the time. This little skirt is one of the few good things I've found in Forever21. It's cute and sexy, isn't too sexy, goes with everything, and best of all? It's SPARKLY!

08 December 2009

Corgi Tuesday - December 8



Grown corgis have baby-like proportions. It is only exaggerated when you see an actual corgi puppy. See that little guy? He doesn't even look real! He resembles more of a stuffed toy than an actual dog.

07 December 2009

How to keep warm and look good at the same time: Accessories


Winter Accessories

Gloves, hats, socks, etc. All these winter add-ons are cheap and they can change your outfit every day. Plus they can keep your limbs, head, and other non-torso parts warm.

Pops of color

Remember what I said about winter being dreary and gray? Accessories are easy ways to bring color to the crappy world of winter. If you wear bright enough colors, you may be mistakenly invited to a rave and, between the lights and the dancing, you can easily warm up before finishing you trip to the grocery.

Don’t spend much money on gloves

You will always loose them. They fall out of your pocket, get lost on public transit, or some dickhead steals them at the movie theater. You’ll never recreate that patching pair. So go cheap on gloves.


Cover your damn head! (and be ready to battle hat hair)

Your head never feels cold but it gives off a huge amount of body heat. Your body will sacrifice your limbs to keep warm. If you want warmer hands and feet, be sure to keep your head covered.



Fortunately there’s a wide range of hats. A knitted beanie will do fine but a cloche looks feminine and adorable. A trapper hat or Ushanka* will keep both your head, ears, and sideburns safe from the chill. Failing that, throw a large scarf over your head in a pinch and rock it Babushka style.


For those of you who hate what hats do to your hair, bring a brush and a small spray bottle of detangling spray or leave in conditioner in your purse. Or just shave your head.

Cover your damn ears (if you hat doesn’t)!

My father has Dumbo ears. They are large and they stick out. My dad suffered a light case of frostbite as a child, so now his ears are painfully sensitive to sun, wind, and cold. If his ears hurt, then he gets cranky. It is no fun to be around a cranky Dad. Despite this happening every week, my dad refuses to wear earmuffs. “I don’t need them!” he shouts. At best, he pulls his hat down over his ears. No knit hat is really prepared to protect ears like that.

A good pair of earmuffs will keep you from getting mean with your children. Don’t get the headband kind though. No one looks good in those and they make your hair stick up. A huge pair of fluffy earmuffs will be toasty and will make any girl look adorable.

Panda Earmuffs.... Hello Kitty Earmuffs... Rabbit Fur Eatmuffs

Cover your damn neck!

Scarves are so fashionable that we will wear them in the heat of summer. So put one under your coat, especially if you are wearing anything cut lower than a turtleneck shirt.

The best thing about scarves? They keep your neck free from icy winds and vampires. The second, third, and fourth best things? They are colorful, easy to wear, and cheap.


Cover your damn… I mean, keep your feet warm.

Your feet are pretty far away from your body. Blood has to travel from your toasty torso and meaty thighs but you start to loose warmth when that blood get to your body knees and calves. Face it; your feet are far from a heat source.


To keep your toes warm, layer your legs up. Wear tights, leggings, or long underwear under your pants. More heat will reach your feet. Wear wool socks. If get itchy and the though of wool, wear wool socks over a regular pair of socks.

Get a good pair of boots. You want something insulated, rated for temperature, at least mid-calf height, and good traction. Don’t even think of getting the standard ugly Uggs. There are tons of warm boots that actually have shape.


Speaking of which, waterproof your boots!

I own a pair of suede snow boots. I have learned my lesson that hard way.

Get those hand warmers

Know what’s not awesome? Frostbitten fingers. That’s not funny. If you are going to be spending any length of time in the deep cold, break out the hand warmers. You can put one in each of your boot and keep your toes from freezing for the rest of the day. Put one in your pocket to warm up your hands during a long walk. If it’s really cold, put a hand warmer inside your glove or mittens.

There are two kinds of hand warmers: reusable and single use. Reusable ones are, obviously, reusable. They give off heat for 1-2 hours and are reset by being boiled in water. Single use hand warmers get very hot when exposed to air and last approximately 8 hours.

Umbrellas make me want rain

The best thing about rainy days is that you can bring out the umbrella. There are so many shapes, colors, and patterns that get between you and precipitation, ensuring that you will forever have something awesome to cheer up a gray, damp day.

I am including umbrellas in a list of winter things because I get use out of my umbrella in the winter. With snow on the ground, comes sleet. If it isn't too windy and big, fat, wet clumps of snow are coming down, I take my umbrella out. It means a little less snow to brush off.

Clear umbrellas are the best. They look cool and you're slightly less likely to concuss someone walking near you.


* If you want to wear an Ushanka, do not wear one with a USSR pin on the front. I see a lot of college boys and internet nerds wear their communist hats in the winter and that is no cool, guys. Yes, the hat is so warm that you practically don’t have to wear a coat. Yes, communist imagery is very iconic but it is tacky and insensitive. Just don’t have the hammer and sickle on your forehead.

Don't be this guy.

New Week; New Wallpaper - 12-7-09

By Arylna
Click image for larger - 1920 × 1200

I wanted to make a Christmas balls joke but it is too obvious. I will just let you make up your own and please keep it to yourself, you filthy dirty person.

05 December 2009

Christmas in The Netherlands: 6-8 black men

It is tough to be in school in December before winter break. As a kid, you're full of hope and excitement at every day. You're not tired of the snow yet and you want to play outside and you keep counting down the days, hours, and minutes until Christmas. As a teacher, you can't wait to get rid of these squirrely kids. Teachers are faced with the dilemma of running out of things to teach before the semester is over, but if you teach something new, the children will just forget about it over Christmas break.

In elementary school (and sometimes high school), teachers resorted to Christmas trivia. I am not sure if you can still teach about Christmas in schools without having a fight break out between atheist vs. overly religious parents, but that's not the point. Usually Christmas trivia included the history of our holiday traditions and what people of other cultures did. The teachers pretty much did stick to Christmas traditions because I didn't know what Hanukkah was about until I was old enough to use Google.

In high school, we were assigned a little week long project to keep us busy while our teacher wasted money and time on eBay holiday shopping. I was assigned the Netherlands. That is how I came across the rather odd sounding story of Zwarte Piet (Black Pete), who is the black faced helper of Sinterklass.


While I did get an A- on my four minute presentation, I would rather let a much better writer describe how the Dutch celebrate Christmas. The following video is a shortened version of what David Sedaris's wrote on the subject.



David Sedaris's full reading of "Six to Eight Black Men":
Part one, part two, and part three.

04 December 2009

How to keep warm and look good at the same time: Coats

For the last couple of years, I did not have a good winter coat. I had my light trench coat and a sheepskin jacket. Neither was able to really keep me going in the blizzard-covered tundra known as a college campus. In fact last year, the long winter began to feel like the last act of Diablo II (expansion pack). There were goblins and assassins and winter just took forever to get through. I had outgrown my parka thanks to a late growth spurt. Never again will I make that mistake.

My daily commute in the winter

How to find the perfect coat

Take into account your circumstances

If you live in New York, you will need a different coat than someone in Texas. If you’re in Florida you’ll need something lighter than someone in Upper Peninsula Michigan. Will you be facing cold rain or tons of snow?

Geographic location plays a big part obviously. But keep in mind your life style. Do you spend a lot of time hiking? Or do you drive to work and are exposed to the winter for five seconds a day?

Do your research

When you buy a coat, make sure to see if it’s rated. Many outdoor stores like LLBean have coats rated for how low the temperature can get while you remain comfortable. Many places that sell more fashionable/less utilitarian coats do not have ratings. Surprisingly ModCloth has a rough rating system for their coats.

Favor natural materials….

Thinsulate is over-rated, in my experience. The warmest you can be is when you’re inside a down filled coat. It is like being wrapped in a giant comforter for goodness sake!

Leather, cashmere, wool, and down are good friends to have in the coat business.

… except for waterproofed or wind breaking.

I love down but staying dry is awesome too. That polyester forms a giant plastic bag around that down comforter of a coat, keeping big fat snowflakes from melting on you.


Get more than one coat

I have a lot of coats. Probably too many. That’s ok though. I get all four seasons, plus a few extras when standard spring/summer/fall/winter decide to mix together.

Due to my circumstances, I like to have three: a light spring/fall coat, a heavy winter coat, and a raincoat. Previously I had done fine without the raincoat but now I herd small children around outside while waiting for their parents to pick them up. That raincoat paid for itself the first time I wore it.

Optional but useful: A dressy coat for special events, a second spring/fall coat that is slightly heavier/lighter, one awesome leather coat just so you can be a bad ass.

Get a detachable hood

Hoods are great for keeping your head warm. A really good hood can be closed over your face, like South Park’s Kenny. A hood over a hat will keep you warm through anything. Well, except maybe the freezing vacuum of space but if that was your situation, you would have bigger problems to worry about like depressurization and a lack of oxygen.


Detachable is a must for me. I like having a warm head but I hate that wadded up hood at the back of the neck on long drives.

Make sure everything is long enough

A heavy-duty winter coat should not stop at hip length. But I really dislike knee length coats because I associate knee length parkas with homeless people and Vietnamese exchange students who have trouble with the cold.

The perfect length is one that at least covers your butt, even when you sit down. A cold snowy metal bench is the worst place to put your non-insulated butt. So make sure your coat is long enough.

You don’t have to look like a marshmallow man.

Not very flattering...

I call these coats Marshmallow Coats. I’ve heard terms like Michelin Man and puffy coat throw around too. And North Face jackets might keep you warm on the slopes, they do look like black (or dark green) shapeless blobs. You can do better than that!

Look for details

If you’re going to get a big puffy coat, go for the nice details. Look for quilted patterns, rather that the lumps that look like love handles. Keep an eye out for colored zippers, fur trimmed hoods, and nice textures.

The parka

For example, this is my winter coat. It isn't the most flattering shape, but it has a lot of little details to make it fancier than a mega-coat of blackness. Quilted pattern, nice fur trim, and (unseen) gold colored snaps and zippers that contrast nice with the navy. Also since I am indoors, I am sweating to death in this picture.

Look for colors

Winter blows because it is dark from 4PM until about 9AM. The daylight in-between is heavily filtered through gray clouds. And that light, fluffy cake frosting snow? Usually it turns into a gray icy sludge before lunch time.

Winter is generally depressing. Do you know what isn’t depressing? Colors. Really bright colors. Combat Season Affective Disorder by wearing a coat that isn’t black, gray, or dark green!

Brooches

Pin a giant gaudy cheap brooch to your coat collar. The bigger and sparklier? The better.

Spring Coat

My stepmother introduced me to the idea of wearing jewelry on the outside of your coat, rather than keeping everything nice underneath it. She has a system too; each of her (bajillion) coats has an assigned broach that she keeps on the collar. I don’t suggest keeping with such a rigid system. Change pins regularly and you'll finally have a use for all those Christmas themed pins your great aunt has gifted you.