18 December 2009

Gift Guide for Men (you hate)

It is a bit late in the Christmas season for a gift guide, but I really want to help my readers. There are many articles and websites dedicated to what to get your dad, your boyfriend, and your brother. We do things different here at Goodlookingcorgi.

This is a gift guide for men you hate (or men who like bright pastels, are probably too tan, and are from Miami). All you have to do is spend a lot of money at Lilly Pulitzer.

For your brother or cousin who can't stop making testicle references:

Everyone knows That Guy who won't stop talking about his crotch. Give him a subtle joke with swim trunks with what looks like beach balls all over it.

Gift is also appropriate for: men who have suffered testicular torsion, Lance Armstrong.

For the weird IT guy who wears Hawaiian shirts:

Printed Necktie (in Limeade Piranha)

It's a really loud necktie in nauseatingly bright colors. That's all there is.

Gift is also appropriate for: Anyone you've ever known, your dad if he complains "Don't get me another necktie that I'll never wear."

To any nerd you've wanted to beat up on for simply being too nerdy:

Men always look better in a button down shirt but that doesn't excuse the kind of guys you know wear pocket protectors. See the pattern name is "Blue Twirly" which is sounding a lot like swirly which is what you do to nerds. This a subtle swirly to whoever wears this shirt.

Gift is also appropriate for: The weird IT guy who wears Hawiian shirts.

To any man you can trick into wearing this:

Don't forget the matching pants.


WendyB said...

Oh, that suit is a must.

GLC said...

Must what though? I see it as a must in a schadenfreude way or a "must not". Others can see it in a "must humiliate someone who is really in the closet", "must make my family cover their faces when I meet them at restaurant wearing this", and "mustard (covered in)".