Gilt never stops amusing me and the recent presence of $2,000+ clutches shaped like animals is no exception. Camels, pugs, poison dart frogs, and... what's with the terrified Foo Dog?
He looks like he is going to bite the hell out of that ghost's hand.
Oh. Well, he may have known what fate awaited him. But alas, his crystal covered snarls were not enough to ward off a woman storing her cellphone and tampons in him.
This is the pug clutch, as shown in the first image. He is much more accepting of his fate. But me being me, I would how up to a fancy event with this and fill it with cherry syrup for the ultimate visceral shock when I open it up at the dinner table.
Something about Team Fortress 2 causes artistic bouts of insanity. This has lead to hilarious griefing, program modifications, hilarious comics, absolutely stunning artwork, and more drawn gay pornography that anyone could ever need in a lifetime.
Now, we have Christmas songs with accompanying video.
This madness will never stop until Valve, Garry's Mod, Source Filmaker, and every man between the ages of 14 and 30 are destroyed.
It's not you personally. My ears are hearing smart things coming from your mouth. But I can't take you that seriously when you're dressed like that.
Your education says, "I'm ten times smarter than you." The sweatpants with the sequined word "BOOTY" written across the butt says "High school freshman taking art class so I nap for the hour."
Your political analysis tells me you're really smarter than you look. That's not hard because your giant shirt with someone's face horrifyingly air-sprayed on the front tells me that you only vote in presidential elections if you vote at all and that your candidate of choice is determined solely by their stance on marijuana.
I apologize to everyone everywhere
for posting this picture
The cheap mismatched ruined suit looks bad ass on Tyler Durden because, well, he's Tyler Durden. On everyone else, it is less "My views on anarchy; let me show you them" and more "My dad is a used car salesman from the 1970's who is getting rid of this suit and I thought hey a free suit!"
Look, I just think your clothes are ridiculous. You are still a pretty cool person though. Just put down the bunny ears and the orange fake tanner.
January bafflingly marks the start of swimsuit season. The stores take down their Christmas displays and throw up the swimsuits. It's cruel to those of us suffering through the frickin' cold winter.
This year Victoria Secret has come out with some downright horrifying swimsuits. I know that monokinis are ususally not flattering on any body type but these are exceptional in the unflattering category. These swimsuit range from "skeezy Romanian lingerie magazine" to "I may not be human".
Look at this poor model. Not only does she seemingly have a really big head, but she looks like she's going to cry. She's on a beautiful beach and, just as she is entering the water, she realizes her swimsuit has been ripped to shreds. She is wearing tattered rags instead of an actual swimsuit.
This unfortunate design makes the model look like she has four sets of breasts, as if she belonged to a species that bore litters. While this swimsuit may appeal to furries, the rest of us would rather not look like we're wearing something that could be worn by dogs.
All I can think of is how hard it would be wear this and not have the straps digging into your skin creating bits of flesh blobbing through the cut outs. Unless your skin was as tight as saran wrap, you would have muffin top all over.
Yes, this is a $200 dick sweater. If I had that kind of money, I'd buy it. I'd wear it to job interviews and the county fair. If anyone asked what was on my cardigan, I'd answer, "Rocket ships. Why? What did you think these were?"
You know what makes me smile every time? Party hats.
Everyone should wear a party hat from time to time. There's no reason. Just wear one around the office and everyone will have a good laugh. If anyone asks, just tell them you're celebrating happiness.
Everyone loves party hats. You can decorate one to be extra fancy too.
I know it's rather late in the season to be writing to you and I'm about 17 years older than your usual audience. But this is an emergency. See, I was browsing "Not Just A Label" and came across somethings I need.
I am not a jewelry person, save earrings. I wear cheap costume jewelry like earrings the size of tea saucers or necklaces that my aunt gives me for my birthday. But I seriously could use this black leather ring.
First off all, I'm a nerd and nerds love lasers which is why I often black out and find myself suddenly conscious at Pink Floyd laser shows. Nerds love lasers because lasers means technology and science fiction, which are areas where nerds are comfortable with. If it reminds us of light sabers and phasers, we're all for it.
Secondly, it is a dress that is described as a "[h]ot partydress with lazertits." Lazertits. That's two great things combined there; lasers and breasts. Inside the green part is a small picture of rocks which brings to mind a funny image of someone trying to see the picture while the dress is being worn by a stranger.
It is a bit late in the Christmas season for a gift guide, but I really want to help my readers. There are many articles and websites dedicated to what to get your dad, your boyfriend, and your brother. We do things different here at Goodlookingcorgi.
This is a gift guide for men you hate (or men who like bright pastels, are probably too tan, and are from Miami). All you have to do is spend a lot of money at Lilly Pulitzer.
For your brother or cousin who can't stop making testicle references:
Men always look better in a button down shirt but that doesn't excuse the kind of guys you know wear pocket protectors. See the pattern name is "Blue Twirly" which is sounding a lot like swirly which is what you do to nerds. This a subtle swirly to whoever wears this shirt.
Gift is also appropriate for: The weird IT guy who wears Hawiian shirts.
Everyone: have your significant other return whatever s/he is getting you because it won't be as awesome as what you can get here. I have designed the most bad ass line of jewelry in the world. I'm gonna put that Wendy Brandes out of business for good! Take that, Wendy! You with your gold and your gems and your cute chicken necklaces!
How to make an instant ouroboros necklace or bracelet:
It is tough to be in school in December before winter break. As a kid, you're full of hope and excitement at every day. You're not tired of the snow yet and you want to play outside and you keep counting down the days, hours, and minutes until Christmas. As a teacher, you can't wait to get rid of these squirrely kids. Teachers are faced with the dilemma of running out of things to teach before the semester is over, but if you teach something new, the children will just forget about it over Christmas break.
In elementary school (and sometimes high school), teachers resorted to Christmas trivia. I am not sure if you can still teach about Christmas in schools without having a fight break out between atheist vs. overly religious parents, but that's not the point. Usually Christmas trivia included the history of our holiday traditions and what people of other cultures did. The teachers pretty much did stick to Christmas traditions because I didn't know what Hanukkah was about until I was old enough to use Google.
In high school, we were assigned a little week long project to keep us busy while our teacher wasted money and time on eBay holiday shopping. I was assigned the Netherlands. That is how I came across the rather odd sounding story of Zwarte Piet (Black Pete), who is the black faced helper of Sinterklass.
While I did get an A- on my four minute presentation, I would rather let a much better writer describe how the Dutch celebrate Christmas. The following video is a shortened version of what David Sedaris's wrote on the subject.
Early post for you guys who are leaving the house super early for the mall today.
The day after Thanksgiving and it's the officially holiday season, even though Target had a Christmas section set up in mid-September. Black Friday comes to the general public and I am barricading myself in the house.
My readers aren't the kind of people who would trample an old lady for a cheap DVD player. But I want to issue a reminder for everyone: don't murder people. Manslaughter is not advisable either. I know you really want to get your gifts right now but seriously, chill out. It's Christmas time.
I was a little girl in the 90's, so I grew up on a lot of angry girl music and Girl Power themed television. Keep in mind: I watched a lot of USA Network and I was a huge nerd. Those two facts explains exactly why my inner 9 year old jumped for joy at a new arrival at Forever21.
I don't care if Xena: Warrior Princess was cheesy as hell. As far as my young self was concerned, if it was like a Dragonlance novel in action form, then it was awesome.
I love Gilt's models. These pretty women make skirts look about three inches shorter than they are in reality. I love the crazy outfits the men are forced into.
Gilt is artistic with the splash images for sales. There's a 1 in 4 chance that I'll click on an image because I can't tell exactly what they are selling. Usually it's because I can't tell if they are selling pants or shoes until I see the product list.
Today I could see clearly that there were some scarves for sale.
You can tell they are selling scarves because this poor model model is being strangled by eight damn scarves at once! Poor woman. She's struggling under the weight of all those scarves. It's like the Gap's new cardigan all over again.
I'm heading out of town to the Kansas City Civic Center for the Flour and Grain Expo! It's only 3 days long - Sept. 25-27! Be there! Watch the grain suffer!
Actually I'm not going. I already made plans. Stupid law school. : (
My buddy Lanna's family has a lab/poodle mix. They take it to a groomer friend who likes to experiment with doggy furstyles.
The result: Giraffe dog.
Giraffe print is hilarious on a dog, as you can see. On top of the dyed fur, the dog has a little giraffe mane and end of the trail poof. Talk about through.
It is worth nothing that this is the corrected version. Originally, the dog was more hot pink than giraffe orange.
Really, I am. I witness strange and bizarre events that few people seem to notice. No, I'm not hallucinating. It is just a talent.
For example, I was driving around, minding my business when my mom got scared I noticed a yellow exterminator truck. Upon closer inspection, it was for a union of some sort.
A friend explained that it belonged to the mechanical engineer's union and that they haul out a giant rubber rat in front of businesses that use non-union labor.
That strikes me as a bit... much. If I were a mechanical engineer, I'd rather my union dues go towards something more useful than a giant yellow van and extravagantly annoying protesting methods.
