Corgi Tuesday - December 29

It's no secret that I'm an anime fan. I am an unusual one because I hate terrible anime (which there is a lot of) and I bathe regularly. But one stereotypical anime fan thing I do is like Cowboy Bebop. Everyone likes Cowboy Bebop, even people who hate anime.

For once, cosplay done right.

How can anyone not like Cowboy Bebop? It has about everything you could want in a TV show. It has great music, vampy trampy women, the mafia, bounty hunters, accidental ingestion of hallucinogenics, Kareem Abdul Jabar in the future, and... a genius corgi!

This is why 2/3's of corgis are named Ein.

If you feel like taking a TV break today, watch a corgi-centric episode: Episode 2 - Stray Dog Strut. It is worth watching for the savage corgi attack and chase scene (part 2 for those who want to skip to it).

Corgi Tuesday - October 20

I found another corgi modeled costume.

Banana Costume - Target

Bananas = comedy. Corgis = funny lookin'. Banana + corgi = oh god what is this.

Shrek Costume - Target

This isn't a corgi, actually. I originally thought it was a corgi but that tail suggests that this dog is not. This is an awful costume still.

Costumes to Avoid: Baby edition

A costume for your baby is probably the last thing on your mind. You're more preoccupied with learning to sleep while standing or finding out just how much fluid volume a baby can hold. So I'll keep this short and show you what you should not put your baby or toddler into.

Boxer costume

The idea of a boxer costume is not bad at all. However, you have to realize that putting boxing gloves on a small child will result in more than one person getting punched in the genitalia.

Captain Kirk costume

You're thinking, "Oh, we could get more than one use out of it if we take him to Star Trek conventions." Please stop thinking that or else your child will grow up to be exaclty like those jocks that bullied you in high school.

Now the two most poorly concieved costumes:

Car Freshener costume

I am speechless.

Woopie Cushion costume

If you put a child in this costume, you should have your kid taken away. Why? Because if you put a baby in a whoopie cushion and take him/her to a party, someone will think it's funny to sit on your baby. It won't be funny for long.

Costumes to Avoid: Girls edition

When I was a little girl, I thought the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" meant the same thing as 'What do you want to be for Halloween?" I would always answer that I wanted to be a cat or an angel, which left a lot of grown ups confused. I can't explain why I mixed those two up. The logic of five-year-olds is lost once you move past that age.

Anyway, to the little girl costumes!

Sexy Firefighter's Costume

This costume is ok even though it is a "Anything + Female = Sexy!" costume. I am worried that this was listed in the young girl's section.

Gretal costume

Nothing wrong with the costume itself. But perhaps "Hansel and Gretal" is not the best theme to explore on the night you send your children to strangers' houses to ask for snacks. They'll find a delicious house, get kidnapped by a witch, and the next thing you know your son is on trial for manslaughter of the witch.

Hello Kitty Charleston

Flapper + Hello Kitty = ????? WHY???

Cap & Gown Costume

I heard that there are little graduation ceremonies for kids in elementary school and whatnot. Provided you go to the right school, this costume could go double duty. The downside is that your child has to like "High School Musical" and you don't want a child like that.

Plus sized Tracy from "Hairspray"

Ironically, cruelly, (or perhaps appropriately) this costume is available in plus sizes only. Ouch.

Now for something a little different: The Best Costume!

Unicorn Costume

Fuck. Yeah. I love this costume so much that I really wish they had it in adult size. I love this unicorn thing so much that I would wear it around on non-Halloween days, like on Saturday afternoons on a long walk out in public. Business meetings, court appearances, weddings, work days, church. There are no situations that cannot be improved by strapping a stuffed unicorn to your waist.

Most of all, I love it because I saw it in a funny portrait in the Nation Portrait Gallery's Photographic Portrait Prize 2007 (check out some of the other portaits).

Lily-Pea (found here)
by Shara Henderson

Costumes to Avoid: Boy's Edition

Children do not always make the best choices, especially if dressing up and candy is involved. But sometimes parents can make just as bad of decisions.

Wolf Costume

I title this "My First Fursuit: Furry in Training".

Kid's Chucky Costume

If a kid is not old enough to have seen the movie his costume is based on, then he can't wear it. Call me old fashioned but I wouldn't let a young kid see "Child's Play". Then again I seem to be the only person in the showing of "Pan's Labyrinth" that thought someone should not have brought her four and five year old children to see it.

Toilet Costume

While ten year old boys may love toilet humor, actually putting your child in this will cause them a lot of problems later on in life.

Victorian Boy Costume

There is no way in Xenu's name that a child asked to be dressed like this, especially for trick or treating. Either this costume was used for an elementary school version of Amadeus or the world's most unlucky boys were forced into these costumes by their well meaning but misguided mothers.

General Mills' Lucky Charms Leprechaun Costume

This is a costume for a family on the budget. What to dress your child up for both St. Patrick's Day and Halloween, but don't want to pay for two costumes? Never fear. This costume doubles as a leprechaun and a walking advertisement.

Shrek Gingerbread Man

That gingerbread man swallowed that kid whole like a snake! Oh my god, you can see the terror in the child's eyes as he's slowly being engulfed by a pastry!

Costumes to Avoid: Women edition

Women's costumes unfortunately fall into three categories: literal interpretations of phrases, sexy versions of whatever you can think of, and outfits that may double as something to role play in the bedroom.

Trophy Wife

We'll start off with a literal interpretation of "trophy wife". I bet anyone who wears this costume is 1) not hot enough to be called a trophy wife, and 2) will trip over the label that explains their costume.

Adult Dog costume

It's not the outfit; it's the fact she's doing a sexy pose in a dog costume. I am terribly afraid that this appeals to someone's fetish out there.

Sexy Detective

When I think "sexy costume", Sherlock Holmes is not what I had in mind.

Trinity from the Matrix

This borders on "wearing it to appease my nerdy partner's fetish for The Matrix". But failing anything, you do get a PVC outfit that would be more expensive and just as badly made at Hot Topic.

Women's Robin costume

If you're boyfriend requests that you dress like a flamboyant, underage sidekick in a questionably legal partnership, you might consider that your boyfriend is batting for the wrong team.

Princess Leia Slave costume

Now any man with a willing partner can live out the fantasies he had when he was 12 and saw "Return of the Jedi".

Princess Leia

I could repeat the same joke here but this costume is from "A New Hope" rather than "Return of the Jedi."

Wolverine

The costume itself isn't bad. But it was listed under women's costumes, which makes me think of how a woman might wear this to attract a man. Stranger things have happened at Comic-Con.

Sexy Eskimo

If you want to wear an extremely thin and ineffective park with no pants, be my guess. I'm not sure how often "sexy" and "Eskimo" go together but to each their own.

Wanda Wizard costume

Oh come on. It's a sexy Hermione costume from Harry Potter, in a terrible clash of a sexy schoolgirl and a love for pen and paper RPGs. You are not fooling anyone, Wanda. By the way, "Wanda Wizard" would make a great stripper name.

Costumes to Avoid: Man edition

Last week, I wrote about what to keep in mind when planning what you're going to drink yourself sick in. By browsing all the section at Target's website, I can tell you what will be the worst costumes to wear in even the best of circumstances, let alone when you're tired, judgment impaired, and on the run from the law.

But mostly I just want to post pictures of hilariously bad costumes.

Recycling Costume

If you consider dressing as a recycling bin, you are probably the most boring person in the world. From a different perspective, if you are starved for attention, people will be shoving beer bottles and aluminum cans into your costume all night. Negative attention is still attention.

Scottie costume

The idea of dressing as a sexy Scotsman is not terrible on its own. The attractive male model makes it seem like a plausible, if slightly too oily, idea. In reality, 95% of the men wearing this would be obese and shirtless and they will use this costume as an excuse to not wear underwear. Not pretty.

Family Guy's Stewie costume

Uncomfortably horrifying.

Deluxe Optimus Prime costume

A year ago, I made fun of a kid's terrible Optimus Prime costume. This is the even lamer adult version. As kid, you can get away with a costume that is a pair of PJs. You're a child. As an adult, you have no such excuse.

Michael Jackson costume

... Too soon.

Golden Buddha costume

Horrifying, uncomfortable looking, and you will get your ass kicked by Buddhists who don't mistake for a gold, obese version of the Tin Man. It probably also decreases your field of vision which won't help when you're running from angry Buddhists.

Body bag costume

The perfect storm of bad costume ideas. Lacks armholes, non-breathable plastic that creates swamp like conditions inside, inspired necrophilia jokes, and a revolting reminder of mortality.

Beer Pong costume

At first glance, I thought this was a door with beer cups glued to it. Actually, it still looks like a door with plastic cups glued to it. Come ten tequilas into a party, you may think this dude resembles a beer pong game enough to try actually try playing beer pong on him when he's passed out. You will be disappointed that those cups probably don't hold liquid very well.

The GLC Guide to Costumes

The Good Looking Corgi Guide to Costumes

October has arrived and that is the start of Halloween season! Merry Christmas for the Goths!

Now there is less than a month to get your costume ready. That’s plenty of time to get a decent costume put together. But there are a lot of things to consider when preparing a costume. That is what this guide is for!

1. Where are you planning to wear your costume?

This is the most important question. You don’t want to wear the same costume to your kindergartener’s school party that you wore to a special All Hallow’s Eve at the S&M club. If you are planning to go to different events, consider either two different costumes one that is adaptable for different situations. Consider if you’ll be dancing, drinking, performing on a stage, trick or treating with kids, handing out treats in a public place, or attending a fancy masquerade.

Be sure to find out if your event is indoors our outdoors.

2. What’s the weather?

In the land of the Midwest, it is not unheard of to have a foot of snow while kids trick or treat. In which case, your costume has to go over your snowsuit. On the other hand, occasionally there is unseasonable warm weather, which means you can’t wear too much latex or you will sweat yourself to death.

Check the weather and plan accordingly. Be willing to adapt. (This doesn’t really apply if you are going to an indoor party.)

3. What do you want to be?

The most important question. Fireman, sexy [any thing you can think of] girl, alien overlord Lord Xenu, or just decapitate a Care Bear and wear its corpse.

anti social from the SomethignAwful Form

Once you get the idea of what you want to be, move onto the next step.

4. What do you have in your closet?

I’m biased against store brought costumes. They are badly made, uncomfortably thin, ill fitting, and can barely hold up to being worn once. There is no reason to suffer in itchy polyester and genitalia baring nylon when you can just adapt to what you have in your closet. Save money and get more use out of your clothes.

+ A black dress, ankle boots, and fishnet stockings are an easy base for a witch’s costume.

+ Have a nice red trench coat and those left over boots from an old Wonder Woman costume that you wore for a kinky guy you dated briefly in college? Consider Carmen Sandiego.

+ If you have any purple spandex laying around, you are legally obligated to get some green paint and go as The Hulk or She-Hulk.

+ Roommates with a heavy beer drinker? Get them to AA and use a bunch of beer boxes to make samurai armor.

+ Got long dark hair and a white dress? You’re Samara from The Ring (or Sadako from Ringu).

I've been having nightmares about this
movie for over six years now

For more and less nerdy ideas on what you can use from your own clothes, read The Coveted's Halloween in My Closet series from last year.

Once you’ve assembled what you already have (and trust me, you’ll be surprised), find out what you don’t have but need.

5. What can you make?

This is pretty self-explanatory.

Duct tape your cardboard armor together or think about what you can sew.

6. What can you borrow?

I am amazed at what other people own. Just ask your pals if they have what you need.

In college, I threw together a ninja costume at the last possible second. It was pretty good for five minutes of effort. Then the party girl across the hall mentioned she had a plastic samurai sword.


The night was complete.

7. What do you need to buy?

Most likely, there will be something you nor anyone else owns and you can’t make. Make up, a trick or treat bucket, or prosthetics. For me, it’s hats.

Make a list and hit up the stores. I would recommend first going to places like Goodwill or other cheap secondhand stores. Many people cast off costumes after one or two uses, especially children’s costume. There is no guarantee that what you find will be in perfect condition but if you are going to a place filled with smokers, drinkers, pukers, and low lights, that might be ok.


Most importantly this should be a fun process. Preparing for Halloween is something all people should enjoy rather than be stressed over, even for that religious family that hands out fliers on why Halloween is Satan's holiday to trick or treaters. They should enjoy themselves too.

Halloween - Part 3 - Costumes to avoid

There are few things more awkward than showing up to a costume party wearing a sexy bee-girl costume that you bought at the last second because you didn't know what else to get. What is more awkward is showing up to a party in a last-minute-decision sexy bee costume and seeing that a dozen other girls have the same awkward costume that they picked up at Wal-Mart that day on their lunch breaks.

Maybe that sort thing of doesn't bother other people but when I see people in identical costumes, I assume they are henchmen for a supervillian or a chorus line for an impromptu musical number.

Being a lackey isn't that great

This is part of my beef with store-bought costumes, but there's many other reasons. Halloween is about fun and you can't be having too much fun if you're itchy and sweaty from crappy polyester. Plus a lot of costumes are expensive and not worth a fraction of the price.

But mostly a lot of costumes suck. For example:

Target - Transformer Optimus Prime Costume

This is a sad Optimus Prime costume. Take away the helmet and it'd be the coolest pajamas an eight-year-old boy could have, but it's terrible for Halloween. Also note that the kid isn't wearing shoes. He's wearing matching socks with his costume. Poor kid will have bullies giving him books on Halloween just so they can dump them.

Target - Kids Goth Ann Costume

It used to be that people go as "a goth" for Halloween. This year a new trend emerge: gothic versions of classic costumes. So now we have gothic lolita Raggedy Ann for all the little girls who want to be a hit at the next preschool rave.

UPS Worker toddler costume

Putting your child in this costume is a red flag for child protective services. I'm not saying you're a bad parent but maybe you're the opposite of a good parent.

Rat trap costume

The kind of guy who wears a giant dead rat (with no arm holes) to a party is not the kind of guy you would want to date. He's probably the type of person who tells the family dead baby jokes over Thanksgiving dinner and then whines that his family doesn't understand his edgy sense of humor.

Boy's Freddy Kruger costume

As a rule of thumb, if a child is not old enough to see the movie, he cannot dress up as a character from it.

Teen's Pinhead costume

To be honest, this isn't a bad costume, but I am a little bit worried that this was listed under "Children's costumes".

Kids' Yu-Gi-Oh! costume

This costume is frightening with its bizarre inhuman face But once bullies recover from the immediate anime-induced shock, they will beat the crap out of this kid.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this costume will probably sell very well with the cool kids. Not because of the subject of the costume, but because you cold turn the purple suit into a decent Joker outfit if you're mom would buy you that costume because she thinks Heath Ledger was too scary for your age group.

I don't have a beef with pet costumes. After all, they can be hard to sew and it is pretty funny to see your confused dog or angry cat wandering the house dressed as a frog. It is pretty harmless-

Harem dog costume

Holy crap, it's a sexy dog costume. This is unacceptable. That dog is wearing a bra!

I love "The Devil Panties"

And lastly, a personal story about Halloween stores:

Every mid-sized city has a skeevy costume store that's rented and open for about two months of the year. It will be a store far too large for its inventory and, instead of actual shelves, will only have peg boards to display their wares. It will be dimly lit and just barely meets the safety and fire codes. But there will be a lot of intricate decorating items for your yard. (My favorite was a life size robotic zombie that realistically threw up toxic waste into a barrel.)

The other day I popped in one of places just to see what they have. Eventually a greasy employee caught me playing with the wigs.

"Can I help you?" he asked.
"Uh... no, I was just playing," I answered truthfully.
"No, that's cool," he said. "But if you are wondering, we have a ton of sexy girl costumes in the back. You can even try the on here. As many as you like." *wink wink*

Nothing says "We are creepy and there are cameras in the dressing rooms" like encouraging female costumes to try on many sexy girl costumes.

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For further research:
Fashion SWAT: Halloween Edition - Please see #7
Halloween SWAT 2