How to keep warm and look good at the same time: Coats

For the last couple of years, I did not have a good winter coat. I had my light trench coat and a sheepskin jacket. Neither was able to really keep me going in the blizzard-covered tundra known as a college campus. In fact last year, the long winter began to feel like the last act of Diablo II (expansion pack). There were goblins and assassins and winter just took forever to get through. I had outgrown my parka thanks to a late growth spurt. Never again will I make that mistake.

My daily commute in the winter

How to find the perfect coat

Take into account your circumstances

If you live in New York, you will need a different coat than someone in Texas. If you’re in Florida you’ll need something lighter than someone in Upper Peninsula Michigan. Will you be facing cold rain or tons of snow?

Geographic location plays a big part obviously. But keep in mind your life style. Do you spend a lot of time hiking? Or do you drive to work and are exposed to the winter for five seconds a day?

Do your research

When you buy a coat, make sure to see if it’s rated. Many outdoor stores like LLBean have coats rated for how low the temperature can get while you remain comfortable. Many places that sell more fashionable/less utilitarian coats do not have ratings. Surprisingly ModCloth has a rough rating system for their coats.

Favor natural materials….

Thinsulate is over-rated, in my experience. The warmest you can be is when you’re inside a down filled coat. It is like being wrapped in a giant comforter for goodness sake!

Leather, cashmere, wool, and down are good friends to have in the coat business.

… except for waterproofed or wind breaking.

I love down but staying dry is awesome too. That polyester forms a giant plastic bag around that down comforter of a coat, keeping big fat snowflakes from melting on you.


Get more than one coat

I have a lot of coats. Probably too many. That’s ok though. I get all four seasons, plus a few extras when standard spring/summer/fall/winter decide to mix together.

Due to my circumstances, I like to have three: a light spring/fall coat, a heavy winter coat, and a raincoat. Previously I had done fine without the raincoat but now I herd small children around outside while waiting for their parents to pick them up. That raincoat paid for itself the first time I wore it.

Optional but useful: A dressy coat for special events, a second spring/fall coat that is slightly heavier/lighter, one awesome leather coat just so you can be a bad ass.

Get a detachable hood

Hoods are great for keeping your head warm. A really good hood can be closed over your face, like South Park’s Kenny. A hood over a hat will keep you warm through anything. Well, except maybe the freezing vacuum of space but if that was your situation, you would have bigger problems to worry about like depressurization and a lack of oxygen.


Detachable is a must for me. I like having a warm head but I hate that wadded up hood at the back of the neck on long drives.

Make sure everything is long enough

A heavy-duty winter coat should not stop at hip length. But I really dislike knee length coats because I associate knee length parkas with homeless people and Vietnamese exchange students who have trouble with the cold.

The perfect length is one that at least covers your butt, even when you sit down. A cold snowy metal bench is the worst place to put your non-insulated butt. So make sure your coat is long enough.

You don’t have to look like a marshmallow man.

Not very flattering...

I call these coats Marshmallow Coats. I’ve heard terms like Michelin Man and puffy coat throw around too. And North Face jackets might keep you warm on the slopes, they do look like black (or dark green) shapeless blobs. You can do better than that!

Look for details

If you’re going to get a big puffy coat, go for the nice details. Look for quilted patterns, rather that the lumps that look like love handles. Keep an eye out for colored zippers, fur trimmed hoods, and nice textures.

For example, this is my winter coat. It isn't the most flattering shape, but it has a lot of little details to make it fancier than a mega-coat of blackness. Quilted pattern, nice fur trim, and (unseen) gold colored snaps and zippers that contrast nice with the navy. Also since I am indoors, I am sweating to death in this picture.

Look for colors

Winter blows because it is dark from 4PM until about 9AM. The daylight in-between is heavily filtered through gray clouds. And that light, fluffy cake frosting snow? Usually it turns into a gray icy sludge before lunch time.

Winter is generally depressing. Do you know what isn’t depressing? Colors. Really bright colors. Combat Season Affective Disorder by wearing a coat that isn’t black, gray, or dark green!

Brooches

Pin a giant gaudy cheap brooch to your coat collar. The bigger and sparklier? The better.

My stepmother introduced me to the idea of wearing jewelry on the outside of your coat, rather than keeping everything nice underneath it. She has a system too; each of her (bajillion) coats has an assigned broach that she keeps on the collar. I don’t suggest keeping with such a rigid system. Change pins regularly and you'll finally have a use for all those Christmas themed pins your great aunt has gifted you.

How to keep warm and look good at the same time - General Tips

Lucky Strike
Everyone everywhere says that they have the worst weather, wherever they may live. Even if they are from Florida or Hawaii, they will tell you it’s not as nice as you think it is. No one likes his or her own weather.

However I am convinced that Indiana has not the worst, but at least some pretty damn bad weather. We’re a four-season climate situated in the center of a continent and we’re right next to a giant lake. So we get the hottest, stickiest summers and really cold, snowy winters. Chicago people complain about the cold wind that comes off the lake but northern Indiana gets the cold AND a heaping helping of the dreaded Lake Effect Snow that Canadians can relate to.

What makes Indiana so bad is the schizophrenic weather. I’ve read “You know you’re in Indiana when you have to use your car’s A/C and heater in the same day.” Know what? It’s true. We’ve had surprise blizzards in May and sudden 70 degree sunny days in January. Truly our weather is mentally ill. The weather gods are moody and bipolar. If they feel like being sunny and blue skies in the morning, it can easily turn into a hailstorm/tornado combination with eerie green skies during your lunch hour.

Basically, I’m saying that I am fully qualified to talk about how to keep warm during the winter months.

McCall Homemaking Cover

How to keep warm and look good at the same time - General Tips

Favor natural materials

Remember that one dress you got when you were in junior high? It was made of rayon, acrylic, polyester and you thought it was so cute. It probably itched like hell. Remember how it made you sweat through the homecoming dance but the slightest breeze cut right through. Learn your lesson.

Natural fibers are general much more comfortable and are very good at trapping in heat. Wool, cashmere, angora, and silk are great at keeping you warm without making you spontaneously combust because they can breathe. Leather is ridiculously good at keeping the wind from getting to you. Cotton is not the warmest but it is soft and is great for layering up underneath your coat. If you’re not against fur, it is extremely warm but beware that certain kinds of fur, like rabbit, can make you too warm and are better used for accessories or the trim of a coat.

Layer, layer, layer!

Layering is fashionable, so dear reader, you probably know what you’re doing.

Not quite the same thing.

Layering is the foundation of staying warm. Many thin layers traps heat better than one or two thick layers. Layers fill up the gap between you and your coat and keep your body heat from leaking from the bottom, top, and sleeves of your coat. Layering is also useful for when you start to heat up; if you get hot, start to remove or open up one layer at a time.

Indiana’s weather necessitated layering long before all the cool kids started doing it. That’s why all Hoosiers spent the 80s and 90s with a sweater tied around their waist, even if it looked really stupid. We just never knew if it was going to be really cold. And wearing layers was necessary in case a freak bout of heat broke out and you didn’t want to die of heat exhaustion.

Layering has less extreme daily applications. You’re grandmother is always right; movies are always too cold. And your office is inevitable way too hot, when the heater isn’t broken in the middle of winter. The chances of your office being too warm are even greater if you work with someone who is pretty sweaty and malodorous at the best of times.

Cover every inch.

I have fairly long arms. Therefore the bane of my existence is that gap between where the sleeve ends and where your gloves begin. Snow always gets in there, even if I wear long gloves.

Your skin is always giving off heat. If you want to conserve that heat, keep it trapped close to your body. The more bare skin you expose to the wind, the more body heat will be stolen away from the rest of your body, starting with your limbs. Your body knows which parts to keep warm to keep you alive, but it can't keep you comfortable. If you keep your jacket open, your body will work to keep your torso warm while your arms and legs will not receive as warm, toasty blood.

Ice mask, C.T. Madigan / photograph by Frank Hurley

You are allowed to look ridiculous.

It’s winter. If it’s cold enough, no one is going to give a crap about how you look. Want to wear your dad’s giant flannel shirt over your coat. Do it. Want to wear Pete’s hat from “The Adventures of Pete & Pete”? Do it. Your ears will thank you. In the dreary gray of January, break out the neon yellow scarf, Red Riding Hood red coat, and striped green gloves.

Look at those kids from the supremely annoying GAP ads: They are wearing a dozen different things and they are happily cheerleading. I mean, yes they are getting paid but you’d be pretty happy too if you were wearing a bunch of ridiculous crap and were super toasty.



But I still hate the GAP and their creepy Satanic Christmas commercials. This year everyone merely look like they have taken a lot of Ecstasy, instead of looking like rapists.

Don Cherry and Poppies

Have you ever wanted to dress like Canadian hockey commentator Don Cherry?


Well, thank your luck stars! You can now dress pretty damn similar, ladies!

Land's End - Women's Shower Trench coat in salsa orange

Strangers are talking to me

Yesterday, a boy in one of my classes asked me suddenly, "You got that coat from Delias, right?"

I was surprised that an unknown person was not only speaking to me but he was a boy who also knew exactly where my coat came from. It unnerved me a bit. For a brief moment, I felt paranoid. How could he know exactly what I was wearing and where it came from? Did he want my coat for himself? Would he murder me for the coat or was there the possibility a stranger might skin me to make a new coat? I don't think I would make a very good trenchcoat at all. A jacket maybe.

"Uh, yeah," I responded, so gracefully. "I had my sheepskin jacket and marshmellow shaped parka. Nothing for fall."

"I was so going to get that for my girlfriend!"

And then we had a conversation about how pea coats are awesome. Yay! A new friend!

Shame on me for reverting to gender stereotypes. I often forget that men can be interested in women's clothing in a non-transvestite way . Just because my boyfriend looks like he fell into a Goodwill bin and climbed out dressed doesn't mean all men are like that.