21 January 2010

Fashion Snark: Monokinis

January bafflingly marks the start of swimsuit season. The stores take down their Christmas displays and throw up the swimsuits. It's cruel to those of us suffering through the frickin' cold winter.

This year Victoria Secret has come out with some downright horrifying swimsuits. I know that monokinis are ususally not flattering on any body type but these are exceptional in the unflattering category. These swimsuit range from "skeezy Romanian lingerie magazine" to "I may not be human".

Look at this poor model. Not only does she seemingly have a really big head, but she looks like she's going to cry. She's on a beautiful beach and, just as she is entering the water, she realizes her swimsuit has been ripped to shreds. She is wearing tattered rags instead of an actual swimsuit.

This unfortunate design makes the model look like she has four sets of breasts, as if she belonged to a species that bore litters. While this swimsuit may appeal to furries, the rest of us would rather not look like we're wearing something that could be worn by dogs.

All I can think of is how hard it would be wear this and not have the straps digging into your skin creating bits of flesh blobbing through the cut outs. Unless your skin was as tight as saran wrap, you would have muffin top all over.

I don't know what the fuck this is. My response can only be described in internet catch phrases: what is this i don't even. ha ha ha, oh wow.

1 comment:

Retro Chick said...

Yep, they're all horrible!