Best Christmas or Worst Christmas Eve?

TF2 Christmas

Something about Team Fortress 2 causes artistic bouts of insanity. This has lead to hilarious griefing, program modifications, hilarious comics, absolutely stunning artwork, and more drawn gay pornography that anyone could ever need in a lifetime.

Now, we have Christmas songs with accompanying video.





This madness will never stop until Valve, Garry's Mod, Source Filmaker, and every man between the ages of 14 and 30 are destroyed.

Halloween Creepiness: Grickle's "The Hidden People"

I enjoy a good gorey filmon the occasion. blood and guts can be fun in a trashy, visceral way. But a gorefest is not scary to me.

I ma sensitive to creepiness. That tension in the pit of your stomach. You know something bad is going to happen but you don't know when. The low grade paranoia of something awful happening just around the corer... or around the next corner or the one after that.

And a little cartoon short captures just that exact feeling.

New Week; New Wallpaper - 10-04-10

Bats are Good
By Mindy Weaver, found via Pixelgirl
click image for large - 1600x1200

Happy birthday to me!

Fuck yeah, I'm 24 and I've managed to not die yet! Happy birthday to me! Thankfully I didn't get any creepy phone calls this year.

One up on Heather.

Corgi Tuesday - June 29

It's my birthday this weekend. Therefor it's a birthday themed Corgi Tuesday.

New Week; New Wallpaper - May 31

Unknown artist

Click image for larger - 1187 pixels x 741 pixels

School's over with it. I'm no longer a substitute teacher. It's summer for me. Nothing spells summer like bright sunny skies, lazing about in a swimsuit, and clear waters.

New Week; New Wallpaper - May 24

Love Beyonce? Love cartoon inspired art? Do you want to have the Single Ladies song stuck in your head all week?

Well, I've got just the desktop for you!

Rhythm Girls - Juan Jacobo Vaz

Click image for large - 1440x900

Stripper Shoes

Dear Victoria's Secret:

STOP

SELLING

HIDEOUS

WEDGE HEELS!

I know you're a lingerie shop, but for the love of enjoyable trashy clothing, there's are better looking stripper shoes out there. Stop selling the ugly ones.

With love,

GLC

Corgi Tuesday - May 18

I don't usually browse Cute Overload often because I would only waste even more of my life looking at cat pictures. But thankfully I stopped there and discovered that a little short legged breed of dog was the main features.

Liquid courage makes him sleepy

"Hey y’all, Cowboy Drumsticks McLongbody here, and I reckon y’all here to see me wrangle some o’ them wild horses and dangerous bulls! Well, I’ll be right ready to go just as soon as I top off this shot of Jim Bea –zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

New Week; New Wallpaper - May 17

Twizzlers by Des.Des.des

Click image for larger - 1600x1200

As established yesterday, I love rainbows. Pride Parades are the place to be. When I was a kid, I have rainbow Lisa Frank folders and pencils. my current mouse glows different colors in rainbow order as I move it. How cool is that? Fucking rainbows!

RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS

Like every six year old girl in the 1980's, I had this picture or something similar to it in my bedroom. My folders had unicorns and kitties. My sticker collection was 50% cats, and 45% unicorns, and 5% Hot Wheels.

Obviously I would have loved Robot Unicorn Attack as a child.

Robot Unicorn Attack is a straight forward flash game. You jump on platforms, collect fairies, dash through stars, and try not to crash or fall to your death.

The beauty is in the details. There are rainbows EVERYWHERE. You explode into robot parts when you die. Your fairies are made of rainbows. Pink dolphins appear as you build up speed. You are a robot made of unicorns and rainbows. Rainbows! And the most relaxing song ever written plays in an endless loop.

Tangentially related, it inspired one of the best/worst/most unplayable maps in Team Fortress 2.

Rainbows and koth_always make scout cry

Free Tibet- I mean, Portal

You! Yes, you! Do you like free stuff and never win giveaways? Or are you one of those ridiculously lucky people who wins giveaways? Either way, I bet you like free stuff.

Valve has decided to released one of their most popular games, Portal, for free from yesterday until May 24th.

Yes, this is legit and not a phishing scam. No, it's not a trial or a free weekend to entice you to buy the game. It is a free game and you can keep it. If you download before May 24th, you get to keep playing Portal forever for free.

Portal is a first person shooter, puzzle solving game. You are the mute Chell, a test subject awakened in Apeture Science Labs. You use a gun that shoots portals to move blocks, reach impossible to reach places, fling yourself around with the help of physics, and listen to female version of HAL 9000 who has a dark sense of humor.

Here is howto do it (skip to step 3 if you already have Steam):

1. Go to Steam.

2. Download the Steam interface and get an account (this is always free).

3. Go here.

4. Install free game.

5. Play Portal and have fun.

6. CAKE.

Why should you get Portal?

Everyone loves Portal, in its funny, vertigo inducing goodness. Even game critic Yahtzee admitted he had no criticism for it. It's a good length of 2-3 hours, you have a gun that shoots holes through time and space, and it is like being trapped in an Apple programming factory while an iPad is trying to kill you.

Also it is a game you can play on the Mac natively. Shock and awed me too.

Corgi (late) Tuesday: The Daily Corgi and so much more

A few months ago, I won a book from Laurie over at The Daily Corgi.

The book didn't contain corgis but do you know what was on the envelope Laurie sent me? A hand drawn cartoon corgi form Laurie! I couldn't be more thrilled than if I won a giant over sized novelty check from Publishing Clearing House. I mean, I'm checking the mail and BOOM! Corgi face brightens my day.

Hell yeah!

Know what's even better? Laurie is having a corgi themed giveaway. Send her your name and location and you might win something. And then check back every day there for more cute dogs. Who doesn't love corgi themed items, especially if they are free?

And again I apologize for the lack of updates. A combination of being busy, laziness, Valve's broken updates and cock teasing about the Engineer update, replacing a hard drive, and not having Photoshop have made updating harder than I would like to admit.

Corgi Tuesday - April 27

Ladies and gentlemen: I give you the most laid back, patient corgi:



"Tap that ass!"

Bogey down, short legged dog. If I tried that with my Blazer, I'd have a giant bite mark on my face in two seconds.

New week; New Wallpaper - April 26

Sometimes I fall into a funk and forget to write. And then I get too lazy to write. But we're back on schedule now.

Azaleas in Washington State, USA
Hedge Photos
1600px × 1000px

Springtime brings green, damp things that smell good and remind us how fresh the winter ends.

Corgi Tuesday - April 6

MOOOOOOORTAAAAAL KOMBAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Week; New Wallaper - March 29

In case you have been under a rock without internet access, Lady Gaga and Beyonce released a new video. It's a mediocre dance song set to nine minute long film. If you've missed it, let me sum it up for you: Prison exploitative film meets Kill Bill meets "Thelma & Louise". And Lady Gaga shows you how she makes a sandwich.

Lady Gaga screen shot from "Telephone"
Click image for large - 1600px × 900px

Bonus Team Fortress 2 wallpaper. The Heavy loves his Sandvich. It heals him when a Medic won't stick around to protect his fat ass. Plus he goes "OMNOMNOM" when eating.

Created by Hunkabee Sting of the Something Awful forums
Click image for large - 1600px × 900px

New Week; New Wallpaper - March 15

artist unkown
1600px × 1000px

St. Patrick's Day. Darth Vader and beer. Ef yeah!

Ode to Stilletos; Apologizes to Dr. Seuss

That Christian Louboutin
That Manolo, that Jimmy Choo
I do not like your high heels
I do not want your stilettos

I do not like stilettos
I do not like them in many styles
I do not like them with pointy toes
I do not like them rounded or almond toed

I do not wear them when I walk
or when I attend lecturers or talks
I will not wear them anywhere
I cannot wear them when climbing stairs

I like my toes pain free
I like not falling down
I like being under six feet
I like the shape of my feet already

Clunky heels is my way
And keep 'em short too
I am already clumsy
When my feet are on the ground.


(I know it doesn't rhyme. I'm not a very clever writer. That's I have a blog instead of a real writing job.)

Corgi Tuesday - March 2

There are no words for how cute a howling, whining itty bitty baby corgi can be.

New Week; New Wallpaper - March 1

Team Fortress 2 - "Offblast" screenshot

Created by Valve
Click image for large: 1000 px by 625 px

Valve lavishes love on game details. While two of my favorite Valve games (Portal and Team Fortress 2) seemingly have simplistic or even spartan visual designs, there are nice touches everywhere you look. For Team Fortress 2, I love the landscapes. Sure the visual motif is "desert", "industrial factory", or "factory train yard in the desert", but who cares? You have two global enemies building their secret evil rocket shooting fortresses within walking distance of each other in the middle of a big empty desert.

Then again, you don't get much of a chance to explore your environment with great attention because you're usually too busy not dying. That's what screen shots are for.

Cancer spider and love

Found on a pole in Chicago. Food for thought and hey, check out the cancer spider/crab.

Corgi Tuesday - Feb. 23

The Queen meets up with corgis. The corgis don't look all that impressed. The Queen is just yet another person to love and adore them.

New Week; New Wallpaper - 2-22-10

artist unknown
Click image for large - 1010 × 758

Don't even tell me that you don't desperately want to do this. If you say, "No, GLC. That's not safe! I would never engage in cart bobsledding!" then I'll known you're a liar and a vampire/scientologist. I refuse to hear otherwise.

Seriously - A non-serious post

I'm sorry but I can't take you seriously.

It's not you personally. My ears are hearing smart things coming from your mouth. But I can't take you that seriously when you're dressed like that.


Your education says, "I'm ten times smarter than you." The sweatpants with the sequined word "BOOTY" written across the butt says "High school freshman taking art class so I nap for the hour."

Your political analysis tells me you're really smarter than you look. That's not hard because your giant shirt with someone's face horrifyingly air-sprayed on the front tells me that you only vote in presidential elections if you vote at all and that your candidate of choice is determined solely by their stance on marijuana.

I apologize to everyone everywhere

for posting this picture

The cheap mismatched ruined suit looks bad ass on Tyler Durden because, well, he's Tyler Durden. On everyone else, it is less "My views on anarchy; let me show you them" and more "My dad is a used car salesman from the 1970's who is getting rid of this suit and I thought hey a free suit!"


Look, I just think your clothes are ridiculous. You are still a pretty cool person though. Just put down the bunny ears and the orange fake tanner.

The worst mascara ever

CoverGirl lash blast mascara is the worst mascara ever. Don't buy it.

Generally I don't do make up reviews because I'm usually far too lazy and too freckly to bother with much make up. I leave reviewing up to people who are willing to try out products that cost more than $5 at the drug store.

But I have to speak out against this crap.

I've seen this mascara recommended in a couple magazines, which is bullshit. Covergirl blows like an industrial fan set at tornado speed.

This fan blows for other reasons.

This mascara sucks because:

• It smells like house paint
• It takes as long to dry as an oil painting
• It smears worse than oil paints
• Seriously, this stuff gets on my glasses, it's that bad.
  
• It doesn't look that great even when you put it on correctly, so it's not worth all the trouble
  

I bought a tube a few months ago. Since I am a penny pinching broke person, I keep trying to use it to get my money's worth out of it, but I'm giving up. There's cheaper and less crappy make up out there that doesn't irritate the heck out of me when I'm trying to put it on.

New Week; New Wallpaper -2-15-10

artist unknown
Click image for large - 1600 x 1200

<3 <3<3<3

Awesome ring

Men get gipped when it comes to fashion, especially jewelry. Men's rings are more functional and dull.

Except for this one.


It's a ring that turns gears as you fiddle with it.

As someone with stick-thin-size-4-and-a-quarter fingers, I will never ever ever get to wear it. Stupid men. They get the best of everything.

Older outfits

I haven't had much of a chance to take good outfit photos lately. However I found a couple from over a year ago that I'd like to share. One is an example of a bad outfit and the other is pretty good.

Fashion bloggers don't post pictures of themselves in badly put together outfits, so I might as well share my mistake.

This one is bad. Note my odd expression. The cardigan and dress are two baggy items that make me look very boxy. The leopard printed tights make it appear as if I have a skin disease. The shoes don't match anything. Failure all around. The end.

A better outfit except that my shoes are untied for some reason.

I love these shoes. They are my tallest heels, save for my giant leopard print platforms. They transform my pedo-tastic schoolgirl dress and make me look more sophisticated, more adult. Plus these shoes give me mile long legs. As in my legs are so long that people accuse me of walking on stilts.

Corgi Tuesday - Feb. 9

If there is one thing dogs (especially corgis) love more than human attention and yogurt, it's peanut butter.

"Quit blubbering and take your medicine like a man!"

Approximately eighty bazillion bloggers have recently put their two cents in on the war between fashion bloggers vs. mean comments. I hemmed and hawed while writing this article, torn between various positions my multiple personalities were taking.

On the one hand, my inner psychopath laughed at how people thought Sister Wolf was unnecessarily mean? You call that savage? It's not just Sister Wolf. Popular blogs have shut down their comments for comments that mildly critical at best.


Having been raised by the internet and foster parented by Something Awful and Mystery Science Theater 3000, I don't understand. Someone says something less than perfectly nice and that's mean? That's trolling? It's not truly savage unless your comment section is flooded with scat pornography, your MySpace is hacked, your phone number has been posted, your email signed up to every porn list in existence, you are a sent a .JPEG of your house on Google Maps circled ominously, and then Fox News runs a special about it while being obviously clueless about how the internet works.

On the other hand, my liberal bleeding heart sympathized greatly with Sal's message on Already Pretty. No one deserves to have their work torn apart for no good reason. Having your blog and inbox flooded with nastiness is never pleasant.

I sympathize with popular bloggers. Fortunately my small, hardly read blog has a handful of people who I love to entertain. But in the past I have dealt with harassment resulting from publicly available artwork and writing. Pouring your heart into something only to have it viciously attacked is harder to deal with than many of us would like to admit.

Lastly, my internal arsonist screams, "KILL THEM ALL!"


Oh my torn self could not decide.

Then I realized that fashion makes everyone absolutely insane.

Now see, I had to step out of the world of fashion blogs and step into some video games.


You see, Team Fortress 2 has hats. The hats don't do anything, like armor in an RPG might. TF2 hats are amusing and are a rare find. A bunch of fancy pixels causes joy, war, cheating, hacking, delight, and endless frustration within the Team Fortress 2 community. Finding a newly released hat has caused an entire server halt in a temporary truce just so everyone can see it. (Choice lines include: "OHMYGAWD CHECK OUT THE HAT!" and "wow im like a celeb now".)

Clothing and fashion is more prevalent in games out side of Team Fortress 2: Electric Boogaloo. Silent Hill games offer a variety of (admittedly often sexist) costumes for the player to work for. People pay actual money for cutesy dress up items in Dungeon Fighter. The MMPORG centric web show The Guild had an entire second season conflict begin with an item that can change your character's hair style. No one likes it when a teammate grabs that item you really wanted to wear.

You might go, "So what? Nerds get excited over stupid shit all the time."

The point is that everyone, in one way or another, get stupidly excited over clothes. Fashion makes us insane. We lose our tiny little minds over $500 shoes, silk blouses, and anything with the letters Y, S, and L scrawled across it.


I see otherwise rational people pay for a purse rather an overdue bill. People beat each other senseless at sample sales in New York or trample others over half off sweaters on Black Friday. Models starve themselves which causes non-models to starve themselves to death. Some of the slave labor in foreign countries functions thanks to the fashion industry. Yeah, those fake Christian Louboutin pumps you thought about getting? Made by enslaved children with broken, mangled legs.

Since fashion makes everyone stupid and crazy, it makes us hypersensitive. I speculate that's what causes the over-the-top forced positivity from WhatIWore's infamous code of comments post. I can't image that Jessica, who seems clever and cool, is really that sensitive in real life because everyone has to deal with harsh criticism in their daily lives. Then again I'm unlucky enough to have total strangers in the street come up and insult me for my shoes and weight.

So what to do about all this hypersensitivity and insanity on the internet?

Penny Arcade has it right

I'm going to have to ask the bloggers to man up and put things in perspective. We all need to learn how to deal with daily meanness, criticism, and have the ability to the differentiate between the two. Trolls trolls because they get a reaction and anonymity has proved to cause temporary mental deficiency. Human meanness is a fact of life.

I'm not saying lay down and let people walk all over you. But you can't let stupid people get you down. There's more of them than of non-stupid people. You have to moderate comments and learn to ignore emails.

If someone came up to you on the street and said, "You're hideous and you should kill yourself," then you most likely would say, "Fuck you and eat a dick." If someone you knew said, "I like your shirt but your earrings are big enough to set on fire and use in a circus act involving lions," then you'd say thanks and then ignore what they just said as you went about as usual.

We need to stop being crazy about clothes.

New Week; New Wallpaper - 2-8-10

artist unknown
Click image for larger - 1280 × 1024

Corgi Tuesday - Feb. 2

Blazer is too cute for me to stay angry at him every time he eats out of the garbage and then throws up. I mean, look at his funny wittle feet! Awwww!

New Week; New Wallpaper - 2-1-10

artist unkown
Click image for larger - 1440 × 900

What can I say? I'm secretly a hopeless romantic.

Big Hair

I am usually satisfied with my physical state of being. I'm generally happy with my weight and my appearance. But if there is one thing I could change, I would wish that I could, for at least one day, have big hair. Like 80's New York girl poufy hair. I want to try it once.

See, I have the world's flattest, straightest hair.


See this flat iron? If I ever used it, you would never know. There would be no difference except for the fact I would own the most redneck hair instrument in the world.

My hair is beautifully straight and fine as can be. Unfortunately this means that no matter how you style it, it returns to it's naturally flat state.

Hairdressers are fascinated with my hair. They love to play with it and brush it, even if it isn't needed. But they quickly become frustrated with my hair the second they curl it or twist it up into something fancy. It took eighty bazillion bobby pins, several hours, and a bottle of hairspray to do my hair for the high school prom. It also took two hair dressers because one got tired and frustrated in the middle of it.


I would love to have big fluffy, curly hair for a while. A white girl Afro sounds awesome. I want hair that puts David Bowie's character in Labyrinth to shame. I could be an 80's refugee for a while. I would be awesome.


Fuck yeah!

Nautical is not a trend

TO: WORLD

STOP CALLING NAUTICAL THEMES A TREND. STOP. THEY ALWAYS COME BACK EVERY YEAR. STOP.

FROM: GLC. FULL STOP


A pet peeve of mind is that every year, every fashion show, every magazine, and every blog talks about how "This year, nautical is a trend for summer."


Sailor inspired stuff is popular every single summer for the past 25 years. It's not a trend just because you don't wear it year round. Most of us can't wear swimsuits year round but you don't hear people call swimsuits a trend every single year.

Corgi Tuesday - Jan. 26

J-POP video corgi for the win!

New Week; New Wallpaper - 1-25-10

Calvin and Hobbes
Click image for large - 1600px × 1000px

Your favorite TV shows are canceled after one season. They stop selling your favorite fragrance at Bath & Body Works. The grocery stopped carrying that awesome cinnamon Japanese gum you stocked up on. Your favorite restaurant closes because you and your family were the only ones who went.

Calvin & Hobbes is an amazing comic but is no longer in regular newspapers. Meanwhile, the Longhorns continually run and will never ever stop, no matter how unfunny they are. Life's not fair, man.