Costumes to Avoid: Man edition

Last week, I wrote about what to keep in mind when planning what you're going to drink yourself sick in. By browsing all the section at Target's website, I can tell you what will be the worst costumes to wear in even the best of circumstances, let alone when you're tired, judgment impaired, and on the run from the law.

But mostly I just want to post pictures of hilariously bad costumes.

Recycling Costume

If you consider dressing as a recycling bin, you are probably the most boring person in the world. From a different perspective, if you are starved for attention, people will be shoving beer bottles and aluminum cans into your costume all night. Negative attention is still attention.

Scottie costume

The idea of dressing as a sexy Scotsman is not terrible on its own. The attractive male model makes it seem like a plausible, if slightly too oily, idea. In reality, 95% of the men wearing this would be obese and shirtless and they will use this costume as an excuse to not wear underwear. Not pretty.

Family Guy's Stewie costume

Uncomfortably horrifying.

Deluxe Optimus Prime costume

A year ago, I made fun of a kid's terrible Optimus Prime costume. This is the even lamer adult version. As kid, you can get away with a costume that is a pair of PJs. You're a child. As an adult, you have no such excuse.

Michael Jackson costume

... Too soon.

Golden Buddha costume

Horrifying, uncomfortable looking, and you will get your ass kicked by Buddhists who don't mistake for a gold, obese version of the Tin Man. It probably also decreases your field of vision which won't help when you're running from angry Buddhists.

Body bag costume

The perfect storm of bad costume ideas. Lacks armholes, non-breathable plastic that creates swamp like conditions inside, inspired necrophilia jokes, and a revolting reminder of mortality.

Beer Pong costume

At first glance, I thought this was a door with beer cups glued to it. Actually, it still looks like a door with plastic cups glued to it. Come ten tequilas into a party, you may think this dude resembles a beer pong game enough to try actually try playing beer pong on him when he's passed out. You will be disappointed that those cups probably don't hold liquid very well.