Now it is appropriate for Christmas decorations. I know some radio stations have been playing holiday music since the day after Halloween. Some people never even take down their Christmas decorations; they just don't plug in their fairy lights between January and October.
I like to wait until the start of December or at least until after American Thanksgiving.
Early post for you guys who are leaving the house super early for the mall today.
The day after Thanksgiving and it's the officially holiday season, even though Target had a Christmas section set up in mid-September. Black Friday comes to the general public and I am barricading myself in the house.
My readers aren't the kind of people who would trample an old lady for a cheap DVD player. But I want to issue a reminder for everyone: don't murder people. Manslaughter is not advisable either. I know you really want to get your gifts right now but seriously, chill out. It's Christmas time.
Everyone everywhere says that they have the worst weather, wherever they may live. Even if they are from Florida or Hawaii, they will tell you it’s not as nice as you think it is. No one likes his or her own weather.
However I am convinced that Indiana has not the worst, but at least some pretty damn bad weather. We’re a four-season climate situated in the center of a continent and we’re right next to a giant lake. So we get the hottest, stickiest summers and really cold, snowy winters. Chicago people complain about the cold wind that comes off the lake but northern Indiana gets the cold AND a heaping helping of the dreaded Lake Effect Snow that Canadians can relate to.
What makes Indiana so bad is the schizophrenic weather. I’ve read “You know you’re in Indiana when you have to use your car’s A/C and heater in the same day.” Know what? It’s true. We’ve had surprise blizzards in May and sudden 70 degree sunny days in January. Truly our weather is mentally ill. The weather gods are moody and bipolar. If they feel like being sunny and blue skies in the morning, it can easily turn into a hailstorm/tornado combination with eerie green skies during your lunch hour.
Basically, I’m saying that I am fully qualified to talk about how to keep warm during the winter months.
How to keep warm and look good at the same time - General Tips
Favor natural materials
Remember that one dress you got when you were in junior high? It was made of rayon, acrylic, polyester and you thought it was so cute. It probably itched like hell. Remember how it made you sweat through the homecoming dance but the slightest breeze cut right through. Learn your lesson.
Natural fibers are general much more comfortable and are very good at trapping in heat. Wool, cashmere, angora, and silk are great at keeping you warm without making you spontaneously combust because they can breathe. Leather is ridiculously good at keeping the wind from getting to you. Cotton is not the warmest but it is soft and is great for layering up underneath your coat. If you’re not against fur, it is extremely warm but beware that certain kinds of fur, like rabbit, can make you too warm and are better used for accessories or the trim of a coat.
Layer, layer, layer!
Layering is fashionable, so dear reader, you probably know what you’re doing.
Not quite the same thing.
Layering is the foundation of staying warm. Many thin layers traps heat better than one or two thick layers. Layers fill up the gap between you and your coat and keep your body heat from leaking from the bottom, top, and sleeves of your coat. Layering is also useful for when you start to heat up; if you get hot, start to remove or open up one layer at a time.
Indiana’s weather necessitated layering long before all the cool kids started doing it. That’s why all Hoosiers spent the 80s and 90s with a sweater tied around their waist, even if it looked really stupid. We just never knew if it was going to be really cold. And wearing layers was necessary in case a freak bout of heat broke out and you didn’t want to die of heat exhaustion.
Layering has less extreme daily applications. You’re grandmother is always right; movies are always too cold. And your office is inevitable way too hot, when the heater isn’t broken in the middle of winter. The chances of your office being too warm are even greater if you work with someone who is pretty sweaty and malodorous at the best of times.
Cover every inch.
I have fairly long arms. Therefore the bane of my existence is that gap between where the sleeve ends and where your gloves begin. Snow always gets in there, even if I wear long gloves.
Your skin is always giving off heat. If you want to conserve that heat, keep it trapped close to your body. The more bare skin you expose to the wind, the more body heat will be stolen away from the rest of your body, starting with your limbs. Your body knows which parts to keep warm to keep you alive, but it can't keep you comfortable. If you keep your jacket open, your body will work to keep your torso warm while your arms and legs will not receive as warm, toasty blood.
It’s winter. If it’s cold enough, no one is going to give a crap about how you look. Want to wear your dad’s giant flannel shirt over your coat. Do it. Want to wear Pete’s hat from “The Adventures of Pete & Pete”? Do it. Your ears will thank you. In the dreary gray of January, break out the neon yellow scarf, Red Riding Hood red coat, and striped green gloves.
Look at those kids from the supremely annoying GAP ads: They are wearing a dozen different things and they are happily cheerleading. I mean, yes they are getting paid but you’d be pretty happy too if you were wearing a bunch of ridiculous crap and were super toasty.
But I still hate the GAP and their creepy Satanic Christmas commercials. This year everyone merely look like they have taken a lot of Ecstasy, instead of looking like rapists.
"In Spring of youth it was my lot To haunt of the wide world a spot The which I could not love the less - So lovely was the loneliness Of a wild lake, with black rock bound, And the tall pines that towered around"
I am a planning type of person. I lay out my clothes the night before. Some days that doesn't work out so well. Some days I can't stop fidgeting with my clothes. I amke up an outfit, decided I dont' like some piece, switch it out something else, realize now things don't go, and I end up wearing something entirely different than I originally planning. It was one of those days.
This dress has a funny little story.
Years ago, I was the biggest tomyboy you can imagine. All oversize t-shirts, sweatshirts, and jeans three sizes too large. My father occasionally nagged that I should dress better. One day at Target, my father had a fit about this. He grabbed a dress from a nearby rack and said, "Here! Take this!" I tried it on to make sure it fit and suddenly it was in my closet for years without having been worn.
Now that I enjoy wearing dresses, I put it on and discovered that it was a badly made dress from Target which is just as surprising as Lady Gaga not wearing pants. Fortunately I prayed to the sewing gods and removed the horrible belt it came with. Would you look at that? I almost look like I know what I'm doing!
Being a teacher means I tend to dress a bit awkwardly. I hate the standard outfit of a cardigan + khakis + sneakers, so I try to vary it up. At least the students remember me. However, I have to be careful of two things: comfortable shoes and necklines. Comfortable shoes are necessary because I'm only my feet all day. As for necklines, that's pretty straight forward, especially if you're working with teenagers.
I was a little girl in the 90's, so I grew up on a lot of angry girl music and Girl Power themed television. Keep in mind: I watched a lot of USA Network and I was a huge nerd. Those two facts explains exactly why my inner 9 year old jumped for joy at a new arrival at Forever21.
I don't care if Xena: Warrior Princess was cheesy as hell. As far as my young self was concerned, if it was like a Dragonlance novel in action form, then it was awesome.
Once again I have a lazing around the house outfit.
I am hesitant to posts lazy day outfits but I want to show people that it's ok to have lazy days. But it's possible to look and feel good on those lazy days. It's eays to throw on sweatpants or stay in your PJs all day, but I find that I feel sleepy all day, as if I never really woke up. Putting on good clothes, even on housebound sick days, makes me feel more focused and away.
When I'm not schlubbing it in a cozy sweatshirt and leggings, I'm digging some new trends. Specifically, I'm digging those sequins which are now super popular. I can't tell if they are going to be in style for the next year or if they are just in style for the Christmas season. It's hard to tell because glittery shiny things get extra attention right before Christmas. Either way, I'm going to be Liberace-ing things up for a while. I won't get a BeDazzler, I promise.
Aww, the Piano Belt. Piano Belt was one of my signature items while I was in college. See, one day I wore it in front of all of my friends, as we lazily sprawled across stolen chairs in the common area.
"That's a really cool belt!" my friends said.
One particular friend spoke up, "It would be even cooler if it actually played like a piano. Then you could play a theme song every time you enter a room."
Ever since then I have not only wished my belt was capable of making music, I also have been working on a theme song. I could just settle on Star War's "The Imperial March" for dramatic effect but I want to be original. Every wanna-be evil person with a pair of speakers can play "The Imperial March".
17 November 2009
Oh Blazer. We buy the dog bed and you won't lie in it until your nasty blanket is finished being washed. What a picky dog.
Target has had their Christmas decorations up by the end of September. Many other stores lagged behind, with their holiday displays appearing the week before Halloween. Now that Thanksgiving is nearing, it is ok to indulge in a little early Christmas spirit.
But how to celebrate the holidays in a new way? Your Christmas sweater from last year shrunk in the wash. Holidays sweatshirts with tress that light up and play music on your chest are reserved for That One Woman in your office; if you try it, she'll get angry and tell everyone that you're copying her style.
You're too cool for all that. You need Christmas themed shoes.
Oh Irregular Choice, you're silly humorous ways make holiday shoes look ridiculous and awesome at the same time. You're the magical fairy of ridiculous footwear to people like me who cannot afford crazy runway shoes.
I have a love/hate relationship with Lady Gaga. On one hand, she is a crazy person who made that terrible "disco stick" song that my roommate would play in her car every time we went to get groceries.
On the other hand, Lady Gaga is a crazy person who literally walks around in a leotard and Muppets. And she makes a bazillion dollars by doing that. And "Poker Face" is a ridiculous video with a very catchy tune. She's a mixture of Euro-trash and a performance artist's senior project.
Kermit noooooo!
Meanwhile, Christopher Walken is the beloved icon of many geeks and internet dwellers. Mr. Walken is a mixture of creepy, awkward, and awesome. He probably can shoot lasers out of his eyes
Lady Gaga as read by Christopher Walken
Man, you've really made it if Christopher Walken is somehow involved in making fun of you.
artist unknown click image for large - 1600px × 1200px
I have never gone duck hunting but I have gone fishing a couple of times as a little kid. Like my father before me, I found it dull. I'm too impatient for fishing. However, the above image makes sitting in a boat all day seem like a lovely way to pass an afternoon.
artist unknown
