Judith Leiber purses on Gilt

Gilt never stops amusing me and the recent presence of $2,000+ clutches shaped like animals is no exception. Camels, pugs, poison dart frogs, and... what's with the terrified Foo Dog?

He looks like he is going to bite the hell out of that ghost's hand.

Oh. Well, he may have known what fate awaited him. But alas, his crystal covered snarls were not enough to ward off a woman storing her cellphone and tampons in him.

This is the pug clutch, as shown in the first image. He is much more accepting of his fate. But me being me, I would how up to a fancy event with this and fill it with cherry syrup for the ultimate visceral shock when I open it up at the dinner table.

Gilt strangles another model

Gilt.com has done in another poor scarf model:


Jeez. She's being strangled by three heavy scarves. That poor girl is pale due to a lack of oxygen.

This probably isn't good news for Portlando (the company that makes these scarves). I'm associating their product with being dead.

TOO MANY SCARVES

I love Gilt's models. These pretty women make skirts look about three inches shorter than they are in reality. I love the crazy outfits the men are forced into.

Gilt is artistic with the splash images for sales. There's a 1 in 4 chance that I'll click on an image because I can't tell exactly what they are selling. Usually it's because I can't tell if they are selling pants or shoes until I see the product list.

Today I could see clearly that there were some scarves for sale.


You can tell they are selling scarves because this poor model model is being strangled by eight damn scarves at once! Poor woman. She's struggling under the weight of all those scarves. It's like the Gap's new cardigan all over again.

Sergio Rossi sells weird shoes

Gilt is a special place. It is a place where two day long sales suggest that some people have $5,000 it throw away at a moment's notice. To be fair, they do have really great sales, especially after the end of seasons. even I've managed to buy a couple affordable things and I'm the kind of person who fails at eBay 90% of the time.

We already touched on the absurdities of Gilt once. Yesterday, there was a sale for Sergio Rossi's shoes and bags. Double-u tee eff. There were python boots, goat boots, crocodile everything, and so much more. I picked my favorite three to show you. And yes, those are the prices. And yes, most of these have already been sold out.


A goat haired boot that looks like Cousin It. Rainbow striped crocodile boots. Mink embellished sandals.

All I can ask is, "Why?" I am afraid that the answer is most likely "Why not?" or "cha-ching $$$$$ cha-ching".

Connections

While browsing Gilt for things I don't need and can't possibly buy, I looked at a sale of Melissa/Vivienne Westwood shoes. They were surprising affordable, with prices that ran from $30 to about $75. Curiously these summer shoes were made of rubber.

Rubber shoes? That sounds a bit uncomfortable if you have sweaty feet but alright, I said aloud to the dog.

Then I saw this.

You have to be shitting me.

Pink, shiny, and rubbery plastic. It's the same color and material they make dildos out of. This shoe probably came from a company that was also processing fake penises. And that made me think of...


'On the dresser, there's a dildo made of the same soft pink plastic as a million Barbie dolls, and for a moment, Tyler can picture millions of baby dolls and Barbie dolls and dildos injection molded and coming off the same assembly line in Taiwan.

Marla looks at Tyler looking at her dildo, and she rolls her eyes and says, "Don't be afraid. It's not a threat to you."'

-Fight Club by Chuck Palhniuk
Chapter 6

Models: Benjamin Brixby's dude

For what little talent I have for female fashion, I have even less at male fashion. Despite my inability to rarely care about men's clothes beyond wolf shirts, I thought this model (found modeling Benjamin Brixby on Gilt) was pretty snazzy.


Sure his coat looks eerily like mine and the bow tie is a little odd but damn, that is a sweet coat and those are some sweet shoes.

Unfortunately about two pictures away he starts to dress like a crazy person and continues to that look for the rest of the page. While the clothes on a whole are not bad, throwing all of them together at once looks odd. On the left I'm convinced he is wearing some country's flag. On the right he is a used car salesman who bought his clothes back in 1976 and has aged much better than my parents have.


He also is pictured wearing a tie with a cricket player. Like many a SciFi Channel movie, I can't tell if it's so bad it's good or if it's just plain bad. Either way I would buy this tie as an ironic Father's Day Present that, like many other "hilarious gifts", my dad just does not understand.