Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts
Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts

14 February 2011

Happy Valentine's Day!


Exposed heart
i.am.rebecca

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

Being the contrarian I was raised to be, I dislike Valentine's Day on the fact it is a card company holiday. Being the practical person my father wishes I was, I consider money spent on frivolous things like cards to be silly and I am poor. Being the tomboy I am, I dislike mushy cutsey lovely dovey stuff. On the other hand, I am a girly girl who loves stuff with hearts on it and video games.


Fortunately, Valve comes to this contradicted maiden's rescue. Portal 2 is releasing in a couple of months and they decided to celebrate today by having Valentine cards in PDF format. Nothing says "I care about you" like murderous robots and holes in space and time.

Additionally, Portal 2 dissuades you from more traditional gifts. After all, you wouldn't want a giant queen bee to kill your lover.


In the world of Team Fortress 2, today we take time to remember the unrequited love between the Heavy and the Scout:

16 May 2010

RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS


Like every six year old girl in the 1980's, I had this picture or something similar to it in my bedroom. My folders had unicorns and kitties. My sticker collection was 50% cats, and 45% unicorns, and 5% Hot Wheels.

Obviously I would have loved Robot Unicorn Attack as a child.


Robot Unicorn Attack is a straight forward flash game. You jump on platforms, collect fairies, dash through stars, and try not to crash or fall to your death.

The beauty is in the details. There are rainbows EVERYWHERE. You explode into robot parts when you die. Your fairies are made of rainbows. Pink dolphins appear as you build up speed. You are a robot made of unicorns and rainbows. Rainbows! And the most relaxing song ever written plays in an endless loop.

Tangentially related, it inspired one of the best/worst/most unplayable maps in Team Fortress 2.

Rainbows and koth_always make scout cry

13 May 2010

Free Tibet- I mean, Portal


You! Yes, you! Do you like free stuff and never win giveaways? Or are you one of those ridiculously lucky people who wins giveaways? Either way, I bet you like free stuff.

Valve has decided to released one of their most popular games, Portal, for free from yesterday until May 24th.

Yes, this is legit and not a phishing scam. No, it's not a trial or a free weekend to entice you to buy the game. It is a free game and you can keep it. If you download before May 24th, you get to keep playing Portal forever for free.

Portal is a first person shooter, puzzle solving game. You are the mute Chell, a test subject awakened in Apeture Science Labs. You use a gun that shoots portals to move blocks, reach impossible to reach places, fling yourself around with the help of physics, and listen to female version of HAL 9000 who has a dark sense of humor.


Here is howto do it (skip to step 3 if you already have Steam):
1. Go to Steam.
2. Download the Steam interface and get an account (this is always free).
3. Go here.
4. Install free game.
5. Play Portal and have fun.
6. CAKE.


Why should you get Portal?

Everyone loves Portal, in its funny, vertigo inducing goodness. Even game critic Yahtzee admitted he had no criticism for it. It's a good length of 2-3 hours, you have a gun that shoots holes through time and space, and it is like being trapped in an Apple programming factory while an iPad is trying to kill you.

Also it is a game you can play on the Mac natively. Shock and awed me too.

01 March 2010

New Week; New Wallpaper - March 1

Team Fortress 2 - "Offblast" screenshot
Created by Valve
Click image for large: 1000 px by 625 px

Valve lavishes love on game details. While two of my favorite Valve games (Portal and Team Fortress 2) seemingly have simplistic or even spartan visual designs, there are nice touches everywhere you look. For Team Fortress 2, I love the landscapes. Sure the visual motif is "desert", "industrial factory", or "factory train yard in the desert", but who cares? You have two global enemies building their secret evil rocket shooting fortresses within walking distance of each other in the middle of a big empty desert.

Then again, you don't get much of a chance to explore your environment with great attention because you're usually too busy not dying. That's what screen shots are for.

08 February 2010

"Quit blubbering and take your medicine like a man!"


Approximately eighty bazillion bloggers have recently put their two cents in on the war between fashion bloggers vs. mean comments. I hemmed and hawed while writing this article, torn between various positions my multiple personalities were taking.

On the one hand, my inner psychopath laughed at how people thought Sister Wolf was unnecessarily mean? You call that savage? It's not just Sister Wolf. Popular blogs have shut down their comments for comments that mildly critical at best.


Having been raised by the internet and foster parented by Something Awful and Mystery Science Theater 3000, I don't understand. Someone says something less than perfectly nice and that's mean? That's trolling? It's not truly savage unless your comment section is flooded with scat pornography, your MySpace is hacked, your phone number has been posted, your email signed up to every porn list in existence, you are a sent a .JPEG of your house on Google Maps circled ominously, and then Fox News runs a special about it while being obviously clueless about how the internet works.

On the other hand, my liberal bleeding heart sympathized greatly with Sal's message on Already Pretty. No one deserves to have their work torn apart for no good reason. Having your blog and inbox flooded with nastiness is never pleasant.

I sympathize with popular bloggers. Fortunately my small, hardly read blog has a handful of people who I love to entertain. But in the past I have dealt with harassment resulting from publicly available artwork and writing. Pouring your heart into something only to have it viciously attacked is harder to deal with than many of us would like to admit.

Lastly, my internal arsonist screams, "KILL THEM ALL!"


Oh my torn self could not decide.

Then I realized that fashion makes everyone absolutely insane.

Now see, I had to step out of the world of fashion blogs and step into some video games.


You see, Team Fortress 2 has hats. The hats don't do anything, like armor in an RPG might. TF2 hats are amusing and are a rare find. A bunch of fancy pixels causes joy, war, cheating, hacking, delight, and endless frustration within the Team Fortress 2 community. Finding a newly released hat has caused an entire server halt in a temporary truce just so everyone can see it. (Choice lines include: "OHMYGAWD CHECK OUT THE HAT!" and "wow im like a celeb now".)

Clothing and fashion is more prevalent in games out side of Team Fortress 2: Electric Boogaloo. Silent Hill games offer a variety of (admittedly often sexist) costumes for the player to work for. People pay actual money for cutesy dress up items in Dungeon Fighter. The MMPORG centric web show The Guild had an entire second season conflict begin with an item that can change your character's hair style. No one likes it when a teammate grabs that item you really wanted to wear.

You might go, "So what? Nerds get excited over stupid shit all the time."

The point is that everyone, in one way or another, get stupidly excited over clothes. Fashion makes us insane. We lose our tiny little minds over $500 shoes, silk blouses, and anything with the letters Y, S, and L scrawled across it.


I see otherwise rational people pay for a purse rather an overdue bill. People beat each other senseless at sample sales in New York or trample others over half off sweaters on Black Friday. Models starve themselves which causes non-models to starve themselves to death. Some of the slave labor in foreign countries functions thanks to the fashion industry. Yeah, those fake Christian Louboutin pumps you thought about getting? Made by enslaved children with broken, mangled legs.

Since fashion makes everyone stupid and crazy, it makes us hypersensitive. I speculate that's what causes the over-the-top forced positivity from WhatIWore's infamous code of comments post. I can't image that Jessica, who seems clever and cool, is really that sensitive in real life because everyone has to deal with harsh criticism in their daily lives. Then again I'm unlucky enough to have total strangers in the street come up and insult me for my shoes and weight.

So what to do about all this hypersensitivity and insanity on the internet?


I'm going to have to ask the bloggers to man up and put things in perspective. We all need to learn how to deal with daily meanness, criticism, and have the ability to the differentiate between the two. Trolls trolls because they get a reaction and anonymity has proved to cause temporary mental deficiency. Human meanness is a fact of life.

I'm not saying lay down and let people walk all over you. But you can't let stupid people get you down. There's more of them than of non-stupid people. You have to moderate comments and learn to ignore emails.

If someone came up to you on the street and said, "You're hideous and you should kill yourself," then you most likely would say, "Fuck you and eat a dick." If someone you knew said, "I like your shirt but your earrings are big enough to set on fire and use in a circus act involving lions," then you'd say thanks and then ignore what they just said as you went about as usual.

We need to stop being crazy about clothes.

10 January 2010

Week gone by...

Dad... Dad, p-put Mum on the phone!

For the past week I've suffered a head cold, sore throat, and a bad case of vidya gayms. That's why I haven't been writing.

Everyone offers post-Christmas sales, including the digital game distributor Steam. As luck would have it, Team Fortress 2 was dirt cheap and... now a week has gone by and I haven't gotten any work done.


I can't help it! Team Fortress 2 feels like being a 10 year old boy on the playground, complete with an unhappy matronly teacher figure yelling at you for you failures. The game combines imaginary guns, cartoon violence, jars of pee, retro-inspired graphics, obnoxious internet memes, and the ability to be a childish dick to other players. It's like playing capture the flag in Pixar's "The Incredibles".

A pornography staring your mother is the second
worst thing to happen to you today.

The game offers a wide variety of locations and games to play. But everyone plays just for the excuse to shoot and stab each other in various classes. You can choose to play:


The downside to the game is that you do play with other people. That means that unless you mute the voice chat, you will hear nothing but 13 year old boys calling each other racial and sexual slurs. Thank heavens for the mute option.

On the bonus side, Team Fortress 2 led the rediscovery of a childhood memory: Heywood Banks songs. As a kid, I got to see Heywood Banks perform a couple of times and little me loved it. Thank you, Mr. Engineer for your fitting tribute to one of Indiana's celebrities.



Bonus: How to play TF2

19 August 2009

Pokemon Wedge Platforms


I would wear these shoes but only if they were Mew themed.


Mew is the only Pokemon I remember because he is pretty cute.