Dancing Bags

With an overactive imagination and a short attention span, I have frequently dreamed up inventions that have been made into reality by other people. This includes Your-name-goes-here romance novels and corrugated cardboard. But this takes the cake in things I should have thought up and patented.

Shoulder mounted handbags for dancing.

It seems so obvious! How many times have you been at the club and either (a) witnessed women dancing with a handbag, well, in hand, or (b) been a woman dancing with her purse? A poll among men I know have polled have said dancing with your handbag looks stupid. And by polled, I mean I asked a dude who watches women dance in clubs.

The flesh toned ones I'm less fond of because they look vaguely orthopedic. But the black ones look great, passing as architectural jewelry.

How lovely is that? A purse that is decorative and can hold a condom and your fake ID for getting into clubs!

Sources:

Amalia Mattaör

Highsnobette

Awesome ring

Men get gipped when it comes to fashion, especially jewelry. Men's rings are more functional and dull.

Except for this one.


It's a ring that turns gears as you fiddle with it.

As someone with stick-thin-size-4-and-a-quarter fingers, I will never ever ever get to wear it. Stupid men. They get the best of everything.

Last Minute Wishes: Lazertits and bows

Dear Santa:

I know it's rather late in the season to be writing to you and I'm about 17 years older than your usual audience. But this is an emergency. See, I was browsing "Not Just A Label" and came across somethings I need.

I am not a jewelry person, save earrings. I wear cheap costume jewelry like earrings the size of tea saucers or necklaces that my aunt gives me for my birthday. But I seriously could use this black leather ring.

Black Leather Origami Ring

See? It's in the shape of a bow, so it is Christmas themed in a way.

Also I need this dress for New Years Eve ASAP.

Batteries not included (also the lasers aren't real)

First off all, I'm a nerd and nerds love lasers which is why I often black out and find myself suddenly conscious at Pink Floyd laser shows. Nerds love lasers because lasers means technology and science fiction, which are areas where nerds are comfortable with. If it reminds us of light sabers and phasers, we're all for it.

Secondly, it is a dress that is described as a "[h]ot partydress with lazertits." Lazertits. That's two great things combined there; lasers and breasts. Inside the green part is a small picture of rocks which brings to mind a funny image of someone trying to see the picture while the dress is being worn by a stranger.

Alright Santa. Peace out!

Bad ass jewelry + animal cruelty

Everyone: have your significant other return whatever s/he is getting you because it won't be as awesome as what you can get here. I have designed the most bad ass line of jewelry in the world. I'm gonna put that Wendy Brandes out of business for good! Take that, Wendy! You with your gold and your gems and your cute chicken necklaces!

How to make an instant ouroboros necklace or bracelet:

You will need:

• A live snake of desired size

Step 1. Find a snake.

Step 2. Put snake in a small enclosure. Wait until it bites it's own tail.

Step 3. Put snake around neck or wrist.

GENIUS. Nobody steal this idea, ok? I need that money to become a millionaire. Then I can buy that cute egg and chicken necklace.