Good Looking Corgi

Dad moment

2011-03-14T14:33:00.006-04:00

The above comic caused me to flashback to every St. Patrick's Day from my childhood because my father did the exact same thing.

Dads are funny creatures and my dad is very much funny. He is unique in being the only single full-time father I know, meaning he's been my sole parent since I was little. Sometimes he can be a total ass who doesn't understand people in their 20's and he has the hipster habit of hating something the second it gets popular even though he is too old to be a hipster.

During a phone conversation, I once mentioned that people thought Mozart was an overrated composer. Since Dad is a classical musician turned accountant, he was a little upset. He ranted about how people thought Mozart was a bad person "because of that movie!" and that if movies were going cause people to get the wrong idea about history, then banning movies was OK by him. Since he is the world's biggest Hitchcock fan, he didn't really mean it and was just being dramatic.

Recently I left law school after being miserable and he has been nothing but supportive, when I felt that many parents would be furious. He pointed out that he too switched career paths at a young age.

When I struggle with the feeling that I'm floundering in life, I remember a story he told me. In college, he romanticized fishing. He read a lot of Ernest Hemingway and loved the idea of living a simple life out in nature. So he took a Saturday afternoon off, rented a boat, borrowed some fishing supplies, and rowed out onto a lake.

"And you know what I found? Fishing is the most boring damn thing on the planet. It's hot and there's bugs and it's so dull. Nature is boring!"

The lesson is you never know if you'll enjoy something until you try it. But mostly I like to think that he teaches that dad people are awesome.

Corgi Tuesday - February 15

2011-02-15T07:32:00.000-05:00

"Clever girl."

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T10:12:00.006-05:00

i.am.rebecca

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

Being the contrarian I was raised to be, I dislike Valentine's Day on the fact it is a card company holiday. Being the practical person my father wishes I was, I consider money spent on frivolous things like cards to be silly and I am poor. Being the tomboy I am, I dislike mushy cutsey lovely dovey stuff. On the other hand, I am a girly girl who loves stuff with hearts on it and video games.

Fortunately, Valve comes to this contradicted maiden's rescue. Portal 2 is releasing in a couple of months and they decided to celebrate today by having Valentine cards in PDF format. Nothing says "I care about you" like murderous robots and holes in space and time.

Additionally, Portal 2 dissuades you from more traditional gifts. After all, you wouldn't want a giant queen bee to kill your lover.

In the world of Team Fortress 2, today we take time to remember the unrequited love between the Heavy and the Scout:

Judith Leiber purses on Gilt

2011-02-09T17:11:00.002-05:00

Gilt never stops amusing me and the recent presence of $2,000+ clutches shaped like animals is no exception. Camels, pugs, poison dart frogs, and... what's with the terrified Foo Dog?

He looks like he is going to bite the hell out of that ghost's hand.

Oh. Well, he may have known what fate awaited him. But alas, his crystal covered snarls were not enough to ward off a woman storing her cellphone and tampons in him.

This is the pug clutch, as shown in the first image. He is much more accepting of his fate. But me being me, I would how up to a fancy event with this and fill it with cherry syrup for the ultimate visceral shock when I open it up at the dinner table.

Corgi Tuesday - February 8

2011-02-08T07:23:00.002-05:00

Dancing Bags

2011-02-05T17:51:00.003-05:00

With an overactive imagination and a short attention span, I have frequently dreamed up inventions that have been made into reality by other people. This includes Your-name-goes-here romance novels and corrugated cardboard. But this takes the cake in things I should have thought up and patented.

Shoulder mounted handbags for dancing.

It seems so obvious! How many times have you been at the club and either (a) witnessed women dancing with a handbag, well, in hand, or (b) been a woman dancing with her purse? A poll among men I know have polled have said dancing with your handbag looks stupid. And by polled, I mean I asked a dude who watches women dance in clubs.

The flesh toned ones I'm less fond of because they look vaguely orthopedic. But the black ones look great, passing as architectural jewelry.

How lovely is that? A purse that is decorative and can hold a condom and your fake ID for getting into clubs!

Sources:

Amalia Mattaör

Highsnobette

Not so well thought out dress

2011-01-27T06:12:00.000-05:00

Well-Wrought Dress - Modcloth

The dress claims to be "Well Wrought" but it's hardly well thought out. Haha, get it?! I mean, it's not well thought out unless you planned to have a dress with a cavernous vagina on the front.

Best Christmas or Worst Christmas Eve?

2010-12-24T02:03:00.000-05:00

TF2 Christmas

2010-12-16T06:39:00.002-05:00

Something about Team Fortress 2 causes artistic bouts of insanity. This has lead to hilarious griefing, program modifications, hilarious comics, absolutely stunning artwork, and more drawn gay pornography that anyone could ever need in a lifetime.

Now, we have Christmas songs with accompanying video.

This madness will never stop until Valve, Garry's Mod, Source Filmaker, and every man between the ages of 14 and 30 are destroyed.

Halloween Creepiness: Grickle's "The Hidden People"

2010-10-08T08:07:00.003-04:00

I enjoy a good gorey filmon the occasion. blood and guts can be fun in a trashy, visceral way. But a gorefest is not scary to me.

I ma sensitive to creepiness. That tension in the pit of your stomach. You know something bad is going to happen but you don't know when. The low grade paranoia of something awful happening just around the corer... or around the next corner or the one after that.

And a little cartoon short captures just that exact feeling.

New Week; New Wallpaper - 10-04-10

2010-10-04T01:47:00.001-04:00

Bats are Good
By Mindy Weaver, found via Pixelgirl
click image for large - 1600x1200

Happy birthday to me!

2010-07-03T03:33:00.002-04:00

Fuck yeah, I'm 24 and I've managed to not die yet! Happy birthday to me! Thankfully I didn't get any creepy phone calls this year.

One up on Heather.

Corgi Tuesday - June 29

2010-06-29T04:05:00.001-04:00

It's my birthday this weekend. Therefor it's a birthday themed Corgi Tuesday.

New Week; New Wallpaper - May 31

2010-05-31T07:56:00.003-04:00

Unknown artist

Click image for larger - 1187 pixels x 741 pixels

School's over with it. I'm no longer a substitute teacher. It's summer for me. Nothing spells summer like bright sunny skies, lazing about in a swimsuit, and clear waters.

New Week; New Wallpaper - May 24

2010-05-24T06:55:00.000-04:00

Love Beyonce? Love cartoon inspired art? Do you want to have the Single Ladies song stuck in your head all week?

Well, I've got just the desktop for you!

Rhythm Girls - Juan Jacobo Vaz

Click image for large - 1440x900

Stripper Shoes

2010-05-19T01:04:00.004-04:00

Dear Victoria's Secret:

STOP

SELLING

HIDEOUS

WEDGE HEELS!

I know you're a lingerie shop, but for the love of enjoyable trashy clothing, there's are better looking stripper shoes out there. Stop selling the ugly ones.

With love,

GLC

Corgi Tuesday - May 18

2010-05-18T07:41:00.003-04:00

I don't usually browse Cute Overload often because I would only waste even more of my life looking at cat pictures. But thankfully I stopped there and discovered that a little short legged breed of dog was the main features.

Liquid courage makes him sleepy

"Hey y’all, Cowboy Drumsticks McLongbody here, and I reckon y’all here to see me wrangle some o’ them wild horses and dangerous bulls! Well, I’ll be right ready to go just as soon as I top off this shot of Jim Bea –zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

New Week; New Wallpaper - May 17

2010-05-17T01:03:00.006-04:00

Twizzlers by Des.Des.des

Click image for larger - 1600x1200

As established yesterday, I love rainbows. Pride Parades are the place to be. When I was a kid, I have rainbow Lisa Frank folders and pencils. my current mouse glows different colors in rainbow order as I move it. How cool is that? Fucking rainbows!

RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS

2010-05-16T07:31:00.000-04:00

Like every six year old girl in the 1980's, I had this picture or something similar to it in my bedroom. My folders had unicorns and kitties. My sticker collection was 50% cats, and 45% unicorns, and 5% Hot Wheels.

Obviously I would have loved Robot Unicorn Attack as a child.

Robot Unicorn Attack is a straight forward flash game. You jump on platforms, collect fairies, dash through stars, and try not to crash or fall to your death.

The beauty is in the details. There are rainbows EVERYWHERE. You explode into robot parts when you die. Your fairies are made of rainbows. Pink dolphins appear as you build up speed. You are a robot made of unicorns and rainbows. Rainbows! And the most relaxing song ever written plays in an endless loop.

Tangentially related, it inspired one of the best/worst/most unplayable maps in Team Fortress 2.

Rainbows and koth_always make scout cry

Free Tibet- I mean, Portal

2010-05-13T09:23:00.005-04:00

You! Yes, you! Do you like free stuff and never win giveaways? Or are you one of those ridiculously lucky people who wins giveaways? Either way, I bet you like free stuff.

Valve has decided to released one of their most popular games, Portal, for free from yesterday until May 24th.

Yes, this is legit and not a phishing scam. No, it's not a trial or a free weekend to entice you to buy the game. It is a free game and you can keep it. If you download before May 24th, you get to keep playing Portal forever for free.

Portal is a first person shooter, puzzle solving game. You are the mute Chell, a test subject awakened in Apeture Science Labs. You use a gun that shoots portals to move blocks, reach impossible to reach places, fling yourself around with the help of physics, and listen to female version of HAL 9000 who has a dark sense of humor.

Here is howto do it (skip to step 3 if you already have Steam):

1. Go to Steam.

2. Download the Steam interface and get an account (this is always free).

3. Go here.

4. Install free game.

5. Play Portal and have fun.

6. CAKE.

Why should you get Portal?

Everyone loves Portal, in its funny, vertigo inducing goodness. Even game critic Yahtzee admitted he had no criticism for it. It's a good length of 2-3 hours, you have a gun that shoots holes through time and space, and it is like being trapped in an Apple programming factory while an iPad is trying to kill you.

Also it is a game you can play on the Mac natively. Shock and awed me too.

Corgi (late) Tuesday: The Daily Corgi and so much more

2010-05-06T23:32:00.002-04:00

A few months ago, I won a book from Laurie over at The Daily Corgi.

The book didn't contain corgis but do you know what was on the envelope Laurie sent me? A hand drawn cartoon corgi form Laurie! I couldn't be more thrilled than if I won a giant over sized novelty check from Publishing Clearing House. I mean, I'm checking the mail and BOOM! Corgi face brightens my day.

Hell yeah!

Know what's even better? Laurie is having a corgi themed giveaway. Send her your name and location and you might win something. And then check back every day there for more cute dogs. Who doesn't love corgi themed items, especially if they are free?

And again I apologize for the lack of updates. A combination of being busy, laziness, Valve's broken updates and cock teasing about the Engineer update, replacing a hard drive, and not having Photoshop have made updating harder than I would like to admit.

Corgi Tuesday - April 27

2010-04-27T12:45:00.002-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen: I give you the most laid back, patient corgi:

"Tap that ass!"

Bogey down, short legged dog. If I tried that with my Blazer, I'd have a giant bite mark on my face in two seconds.

New week; New Wallpaper - April 26

2010-04-26T02:17:00.004-04:00

Sometimes I fall into a funk and forget to write. And then I get too lazy to write. But we're back on schedule now.

Azaleas in Washington State, USA
Hedge Photos
1600px × 1000px

Springtime brings green, damp things that smell good and remind us how fresh the winter ends.

Corgi Tuesday - April 6

2010-04-06T04:18:00.000-04:00

MOOOOOOORTAAAAAL KOMBAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Week; New Wallaper - March 29

2010-03-29T01:38:00.000-04:00

In case you have been under a rock without internet access, Lady Gaga and Beyonce released a new video. It's a mediocre dance song set to nine minute long film. If you've missed it, let me sum it up for you: Prison exploitative film meets Kill Bill meets "Thelma & Louise". And Lady Gaga shows you how she makes a sandwich.

Lady Gaga screen shot from "Telephone"
Click image for large - 1600px × 900px

Bonus Team Fortress 2 wallpaper. The Heavy loves his Sandvich. It heals him when a Medic won't stick around to protect his fat ass. Plus he goes "OMNOMNOM" when eating.

Created by Hunkabee Sting of the Something Awful forums
Click image for large - 1600px × 900px

New Week; New Wallpaper - March 15

2010-03-15T08:52:00.003-04:00

artist unkown
1600px × 1000px

St. Patrick's Day. Darth Vader and beer. Ef yeah!

Ode to Stilletos; Apologizes to Dr. Seuss

2010-03-04T08:11:00.003-05:00

That Christian Louboutin
That Manolo, that Jimmy Choo
I do not like your high heels
I do not want your stilettos

I do not like stilettos
I do not like them in many styles
I do not like them with pointy toes
I do not like them rounded or almond toed

I do not wear them when I walk
or when I attend lecturers or talks
I will not wear them anywhere
I cannot wear them when climbing stairs

I like my toes pain free
I like not falling down
I like being under six feet
I like the shape of my feet already

Clunky heels is my way
And keep 'em short too
I am already clumsy
When my feet are on the ground.

(I know it doesn't rhyme. I'm not a very clever writer. That's I have a blog instead of a real writing job.)

Corgi Tuesday - March 2

2010-03-02T04:16:00.001-05:00

There are no words for how cute a howling, whining itty bitty baby corgi can be.

New Week; New Wallpaper - March 1

2010-03-01T07:26:00.000-05:00

Team Fortress 2 - "Offblast" screenshot

Created by Valve
Click image for large: 1000 px by 625 px

Valve lavishes love on game details. While two of my favorite Valve games (Portal and Team Fortress 2) seemingly have simplistic or even spartan visual designs, there are nice touches everywhere you look. For Team Fortress 2, I love the landscapes. Sure the visual motif is "desert", "industrial factory", or "factory train yard in the desert", but who cares? You have two global enemies building their secret evil rocket shooting fortresses within walking distance of each other in the middle of a big empty desert.

Then again, you don't get much of a chance to explore your environment with great attention because you're usually too busy not dying. That's what screen shots are for.

Cancer spider and love

2010-02-26T06:49:00.002-05:00

Found on a pole in Chicago. Food for thought and hey, check out the cancer spider/crab.

Corgi Tuesday - Feb. 23

2010-02-23T00:40:00.002-05:00

The Queen meets up with corgis. The corgis don't look all that impressed. The Queen is just yet another person to love and adore them.

New Week; New Wallpaper - 2-22-10

2010-02-22T02:01:00.004-05:00

artist unknown
Click image for large - 1010 × 758

Don't even tell me that you don't desperately want to do this. If you say, "No, GLC. That's not safe! I would never engage in cart bobsledding!" then I'll known you're a liar and a vampire/scientologist. I refuse to hear otherwise.

Seriously - A non-serious post

2010-02-19T11:27:00.006-05:00

I'm sorry but I can't take you seriously.

It's not you personally. My ears are hearing smart things coming from your mouth. But I can't take you that seriously when you're dressed like that.

Your education says, "I'm ten times smarter than you." The sweatpants with the sequined word "BOOTY" written across the butt says "High school freshman taking art class so I nap for the hour."

Your political analysis tells me you're really smarter than you look. That's not hard because your giant shirt with someone's face horrifyingly air-sprayed on the front tells me that you only vote in presidential elections if you vote at all and that your candidate of choice is determined solely by their stance on marijuana.

I apologize to everyone everywhere

for posting this picture

The cheap mismatched ruined suit looks bad ass on Tyler Durden because, well, he's Tyler Durden. On everyone else, it is less "My views on anarchy; let me show you them" and more "My dad is a used car salesman from the 1970's who is getting rid of this suit and I thought hey a free suit!"

Look, I just think your clothes are ridiculous. You are still a pretty cool person though. Just put down the bunny ears and the orange fake tanner.

The worst mascara ever

2010-02-17T04:14:00.007-05:00

CoverGirl lash blast mascara is the worst mascara ever. Don't buy it.

Generally I don't do make up reviews because I'm usually far too lazy and too freckly to bother with much make up. I leave reviewing up to people who are willing to try out products that cost more than $5 at the drug store.

But I have to speak out against this crap.

I've seen this mascara recommended in a couple magazines, which is bullshit. Covergirl blows like an industrial fan set at tornado speed.

This fan blows for other reasons.

This mascara sucks because:

It smells like house paint
It takes as long to dry as an oil painting
It smears worse than oil paints
Seriously, this stuff gets on my glasses, it's that bad.
It doesn't look that great even when you put it on correctly, so it's not worth all the trouble

I bought a tube a few months ago. Since I am a penny pinching broke person, I keep trying to use it to get my money's worth out of it, but I'm giving up. There's cheaper and less crappy make up out there that doesn't irritate the heck out of me when I'm trying to put it on.

New Week; New Wallpaper -2-15-10

2010-02-15T02:01:00.003-05:00

artist unknown
Click image for large - 1600 x 1200

<3 <3<3<3

Awesome ring

2010-02-11T07:40:00.000-05:00

Men get gipped when it comes to fashion, especially jewelry. Men's rings are more functional and dull.

Except for this one.

It's a ring that turns gears as you fiddle with it.

As someone with stick-thin-size-4-and-a-quarter fingers, I will never ever ever get to wear it. Stupid men. They get the best of everything.

Older outfits

2010-02-10T06:53:00.004-05:00

I haven't had much of a chance to take good outfit photos lately. However I found a couple from over a year ago that I'd like to share. One is an example of a bad outfit and the other is pretty good.

Fashion bloggers don't post pictures of themselves in badly put together outfits, so I might as well share my mistake.

This one is bad. Note my odd expression. The cardigan and dress are two baggy items that make me look very boxy. The leopard printed tights make it appear as if I have a skin disease. The shoes don't match anything. Failure all around. The end.

A better outfit except that my shoes are untied for some reason.

I love these shoes. They are my tallest heels, save for my giant leopard print platforms. They transform my pedo-tastic schoolgirl dress and make me look more sophisticated, more adult. Plus these shoes give me mile long legs. As in my legs are so long that people accuse me of walking on stilts.

Corgi Tuesday - Feb. 9

2010-02-09T00:39:00.001-05:00

If there is one thing dogs (especially corgis) love more than human attention and yogurt, it's peanut butter.

"Quit blubbering and take your medicine like a man!"

2010-02-08T07:53:00.004-05:00

Approximately eighty bazillion bloggers have recently put their two cents in on the war between fashion bloggers vs. mean comments. I hemmed and hawed while writing this article, torn between various positions my multiple personalities were taking.

On the one hand, my inner psychopath laughed at how people thought Sister Wolf was unnecessarily mean? You call that savage? It's not just Sister Wolf. Popular blogs have shut down their comments for comments that mildly critical at best.

Having been raised by the internet and foster parented by Something Awful and Mystery Science Theater 3000, I don't understand. Someone says something less than perfectly nice and that's mean? That's trolling? It's not truly savage unless your comment section is flooded with scat pornography, your MySpace is hacked, your phone number has been posted, your email signed up to every porn list in existence, you are a sent a .JPEG of your house on Google Maps circled ominously, and then Fox News runs a special about it while being obviously clueless about how the internet works.

On the other hand, my liberal bleeding heart sympathized greatly with Sal's message on Already Pretty. No one deserves to have their work torn apart for no good reason. Having your blog and inbox flooded with nastiness is never pleasant.

I sympathize with popular bloggers. Fortunately my small, hardly read blog has a handful of people who I love to entertain. But in the past I have dealt with harassment resulting from publicly available artwork and writing. Pouring your heart into something only to have it viciously attacked is harder to deal with than many of us would like to admit.

Lastly, my internal arsonist screams, "KILL THEM ALL!"

Oh my torn self could not decide.

Then I realized that fashion makes everyone absolutely insane.

Now see, I had to step out of the world of fashion blogs and step into some video games.

You see, Team Fortress 2 has hats. The hats don't do anything, like armor in an RPG might. TF2 hats are amusing and are a rare find. A bunch of fancy pixels causes joy, war, cheating, hacking, delight, and endless frustration within the Team Fortress 2 community. Finding a newly released hat has caused an entire server halt in a temporary truce just so everyone can see it. (Choice lines include: "OHMYGAWD CHECK OUT THE HAT!" and "wow im like a celeb now".)

Clothing and fashion is more prevalent in games out side of Team Fortress 2: Electric Boogaloo. Silent Hill games offer a variety of (admittedly often sexist) costumes for the player to work for. People pay actual money for cutesy dress up items in Dungeon Fighter. The MMPORG centric web show The Guild had an entire second season conflict begin with an item that can change your character's hair style. No one likes it when a teammate grabs that item you really wanted to wear.

You might go, "So what? Nerds get excited over stupid shit all the time."

The point is that everyone, in one way or another, get stupidly excited over clothes. Fashion makes us insane. We lose our tiny little minds over $500 shoes, silk blouses, and anything with the letters Y, S, and L scrawled across it.

I see otherwise rational people pay for a purse rather an overdue bill. People beat each other senseless at sample sales in New York or trample others over half off sweaters on Black Friday. Models starve themselves which causes non-models to starve themselves to death. Some of the slave labor in foreign countries functions thanks to the fashion industry. Yeah, those fake Christian Louboutin pumps you thought about getting? Made by enslaved children with broken, mangled legs.

Since fashion makes everyone stupid and crazy, it makes us hypersensitive. I speculate that's what causes the over-the-top forced positivity from WhatIWore's infamous code of comments post. I can't image that Jessica, who seems clever and cool, is really that sensitive in real life because everyone has to deal with harsh criticism in their daily lives. Then again I'm unlucky enough to have total strangers in the street come up and insult me for my shoes and weight.

So what to do about all this hypersensitivity and insanity on the internet?

Penny Arcade has it right

I'm going to have to ask the bloggers to man up and put things in perspective. We all need to learn how to deal with daily meanness, criticism, and have the ability to the differentiate between the two. Trolls trolls because they get a reaction and anonymity has proved to cause temporary mental deficiency. Human meanness is a fact of life.

I'm not saying lay down and let people walk all over you. But you can't let stupid people get you down. There's more of them than of non-stupid people. You have to moderate comments and learn to ignore emails.

If someone came up to you on the street and said, "You're hideous and you should kill yourself," then you most likely would say, "Fuck you and eat a dick." If someone you knew said, "I like your shirt but your earrings are big enough to set on fire and use in a circus act involving lions," then you'd say thanks and then ignore what they just said as you went about as usual.

We need to stop being crazy about clothes.

New Week; New Wallpaper - 2-8-10

2010-02-08T02:00:00.002-05:00

artist unknown
Click image for larger - 1280 × 1024

Corgi Tuesday - Feb. 2

2010-02-02T00:39:00.001-05:00

Blazer is too cute for me to stay angry at him every time he eats out of the garbage and then throws up. I mean, look at his funny wittle feet! Awwww!

New Week; New Wallpaper - 2-1-10

2010-02-01T01:59:00.002-05:00

artist unkown
Click image for larger - 1440 × 900

What can I say? I'm secretly a hopeless romantic.

Big Hair

2010-01-28T02:57:00.003-05:00

I am usually satisfied with my physical state of being. I'm generally happy with my weight and my appearance. But if there is one thing I could change, I would wish that I could, for at least one day, have big hair. Like 80's New York girl poufy hair. I want to try it once.

See, I have the world's flattest, straightest hair.

See this flat iron? If I ever used it, you would never know. There would be no difference except for the fact I would own the most redneck hair instrument in the world.

My hair is beautifully straight and fine as can be. Unfortunately this means that no matter how you style it, it returns to it's naturally flat state.

Hairdressers are fascinated with my hair. They love to play with it and brush it, even if it isn't needed. But they quickly become frustrated with my hair the second they curl it or twist it up into something fancy. It took eighty bazillion bobby pins, several hours, and a bottle of hairspray to do my hair for the high school prom. It also took two hair dressers because one got tired and frustrated in the middle of it.

I would love to have big fluffy, curly hair for a while. A white girl Afro sounds awesome. I want hair that puts David Bowie's character in Labyrinth to shame. I could be an 80's refugee for a while. I would be awesome.

Fuck yeah!

Nautical is not a trend

2010-01-27T05:08:00.004-05:00

TO: WORLD

STOP CALLING NAUTICAL THEMES A TREND. STOP. THEY ALWAYS COME BACK EVERY YEAR. STOP.

FROM: GLC. FULL STOP

A pet peeve of mind is that every year, every fashion show, every magazine, and every blog talks about how "This year, nautical is a trend for summer."

Sailor inspired stuff is popular every single summer for the past 25 years. It's not a trend just because you don't wear it year round. Most of us can't wear swimsuits year round but you don't hear people call swimsuits a trend every single year.

Corgi Tuesday - Jan. 26

2010-01-26T05:07:00.000-05:00

J-POP video corgi for the win!

New Week; New Wallpaper - 1-25-10

2010-01-25T01:59:00.010-05:00

Calvin and Hobbes
Click image for large - 1600px × 1000px

Your favorite TV shows are canceled after one season. They stop selling your favorite fragrance at Bath & Body Works. The grocery stopped carrying that awesome cinnamon Japanese gum you stocked up on. Your favorite restaurant closes because you and your family were the only ones who went.

Calvin & Hobbes is an amazing comic but is no longer in regular newspapers. Meanwhile, the Longhorns continually run and will never ever stop, no matter how unfunny they are. Life's not fair, man.

Dora the Expl- what the fuck?

2010-01-22T05:58:00.003-05:00

I am the last person on Earth who gives a fuck about children's entertainment unless I am sitting through it. Generally this is limited to watching Disney movies during my substitute teaching job, Pixar films, and the Transformers cartoon series from the 1980's. Nonetheless, even I know about Dora the Explorer.

The other day while taking a short cut across a store through the toy section, I saw the new 'tween Dora. I did a double take, literally. Back home, I searched online and discovered I am the last person on the planet to know about this.

The market is overflowing with overly feminized toys that instill traditional woman's roles and ideals into children. That's what Barbie and Bratz dolls are for. Once in a while, it would be nice to have a female cartoon figure that doesn't have to be prettied up. Taking away the rare character who is androgynous or - dare I say - a tomboy will alienate a lot of little girls who aren't instinctively drawn to the girly-girl imagery that they are surrounded by.

The old Dora wasn't even what many would call unfeminine or tomboy-ish. She wears traditional feminine colors, wears jewelry, and she was already marketed to be performing traditional female roles. She's unfeminine; she wasn't ultra-feminine.While her old image was closer to that of a normal little girl, her new grown-up appearance appears as an idealized anime-style girly-girl caricature.

A parent quoted in this article says it best:

"One group of parents has started an online petition protesting the change. "What next? Dora the cheerleader? Dora the fashionista with stylish purse and stilettos?" the petition reads. "We can expect it all, because that's what passes as 'tween' in the toy department these days.""

Mostly though, it just feels unnecessary. Mattel has said that they are updating Dora to keep up with their growing audience, so it is a marketing decision. Yet the makeover is so radical that it appears as completely different character rather than the one that has been shaped to be loved by younger children. Why bother changing her so drastically when she is basically being replaced by someone new-

Oh. Goddamn snipers! Those cowards ruin everything.

"Thanks for standing still, wankah!"

Fashion Snark: Monokinis

2010-01-21T04:03:00.005-05:00

January bafflingly marks the start of swimsuit season. The stores take down their Christmas displays and throw up the swimsuits. It's cruel to those of us suffering through the frickin' cold winter.

This year Victoria Secret has come out with some downright horrifying swimsuits. I know that monokinis are ususally not flattering on any body type but these are exceptional in the unflattering category. These swimsuit range from "skeezy Romanian lingerie magazine" to "I may not be human".

Slashed One Piece

Look at this poor model. Not only does she seemingly have a really big head, but she looks like she's going to cry. She's on a beautiful beach and, just as she is entering the water, she realizes her swimsuit has been ripped to shreds. She is wearing tattered rags instead of an actual swimsuit.

Cut Out Twist One Piece

This unfortunate design makes the model look like she has four sets of breasts, as if she belonged to a species that bore litters. While this swimsuit may appeal to furries, the rest of us would rather not look like we're wearing something that could be worn by dogs.

Strappy Monokini

All I can think of is how hard it would be wear this and not have the straps digging into your skin creating bits of flesh blobbing through the cut outs. Unless your skin was as tight as saran wrap, you would have muffin top all over.

Silk Cover Up

I don't know what the fuck this is. My response can only be described in internet catch phrases: what is this i don't even. ha ha ha, oh wow.

Lady Gaga is a Sailor Moon Villian

2010-01-20T06:47:00.005-05:00

Recently I came across of a picture of a Lady Gaga concert.

My first response was not "WTF" but "Hmm, that looks familar. Where have I seen that before?" That is not a usual response to Lady Gaga's clothing. Then it hit me.

Sailor Galaxia!

Not only is Lady Gaga a Cenobite and a member of the Illumanati, she is also the biggest Sailor Moon villain: Golden Queen Galaxia. She's a real life anime character!

Corgi Tuesday - January 19

2010-01-19T04:49:00.002-05:00

Youtube may be full of crap and copyrighted work, but that makes it all the better when you stumble across cute homemade gems such as the following video "Going Shopping":

The video includes:

A regular Pembroke and a fluffy corgi
Corgis sticking their head out of a car window
Savage Garden background music
Dogs "sampling" the merchandise
Two corgis crammed into a shopping cart

Gilt strangles another model

2010-01-18T13:04:00.003-05:00

Gilt.com has done in another poor scarf model:

Jeez. She's being strangled by three heavy scarves. That poor girl is pale due to a lack of oxygen.

This probably isn't good news for Portlando (the company that makes these scarves). I'm associating their product with being dead.

New Week; New Wallpaper - 1-18-10

2010-01-18T01:58:00.002-05:00

Quiet night by vlad_studios
Click here for bigger and different sizes

Winter starts to drag on in mid-January. You get tired of hearing about "lake effect" every day here.

But I still love quiet nights covered in snow.

Dick cardigan

2010-01-17T18:56:00.004-05:00

Agent Provocateur is having a sale and yet I still can't afford a sweater with a bunch of wangs on it.

Sharon - $200

Yes, this is a $200 dick sweater. If I had that kind of money, I'd buy it. I'd wear it to job interviews and the county fair. If anyone asked what was on my cardigan, I'd answer, "Rocket ships. Why? What did you think these were?"

Party Time

2010-01-13T04:21:00.003-05:00

You know what makes me smile every time? Party hats.

Everyone should wear a party hat from time to time. There's no reason. Just wear one around the office and everyone will have a good laugh. If anyone asks, just tell them you're celebrating happiness.

Everyone loves party hats. You can decorate one to be extra fancy too.

Wear a party hat today!

Corgi Tuesday - Jan. 12

2010-01-12T08:53:00.002-05:00

My stepmother is a subscriber to Oprah's magazine. Frankly I don't dig Oprah because I'm an angry contrarian who hates all things popular.

A couple months ago, my stepmother pointed out one of the models in the magazine:

Oh heaven! A fashionable corgi in a little parka! Corgis are warm little dogs who usually don't need a coat but sometimes looking good takes priority over practicality.

Picture from: A Christmas Corgi

New Week; New Wallpaper - 1-11-10

2010-01-11T01:58:00.002-05:00

I'm in a hearts kind of mood.

The Red Queen - by Louie Mantia
Click here for larger and different sizes

Week gone by...

2010-01-10T19:30:00.002-05:00

Dad... Dad, p-put Mum on the phone!

For the past week I've suffered a head cold, sore throat, and a bad case of vidya gayms. That's why I haven't been writing.

Everyone offers post-Christmas sales, including the digital game distributor Steam. As luck would have it, Team Fortress 2 was dirt cheap and... now a week has gone by and I haven't gotten any work done.

I can't help it! Team Fortress 2 feels like being a 10 year old boy on the playground, complete with an unhappy matronly teacher figure yelling at you for you failures. The game combines imaginary guns, cartoon violence, jars of pee, retro-inspired graphics, obnoxious internet memes, and the ability to be a childish dick to other players. It's like playing capture the flag in Pixar's "The Incredibles".

A pornography staring your mother is the second
worst thing to happen to you today.

The game offers a wide variety of locations and games to play. But everyone plays just for the excuse to shoot and stab each other in various classes. You can choose to play:

The Slapchop Guy with a baseball bat. No seriously, it's Vince!
Paul Hogan in Crocodile Dundee.
An overweight Soviet gun fetishist.
Backstabbing, womanizing, meme favored, cheese eating surrender monkey.
Every Scottish stereotype joke you can remember.
A walking flamethrower.
General Patton
A morally ambiguous Nazi doctor as The Medic
A Texan engineer NOT in it for oil

The downside to the game is that you do play with other people. That means that unless you mute the voice chat, you will hear nothing but 13 year old boys calling each other racial and sexual slurs. Thank heavens for the mute option.

On the bonus side, Team Fortress 2 led the rediscovery of a childhood memory: Heywood Banks songs. As a kid, I got to see Heywood Banks perform a couple of times and little me loved it. Thank you, Mr. Engineer for your fitting tribute to one of Indiana's celebrities.

Bonus: How to play TF2

Corgi Tuesday - January 5

2010-01-05T05:39:00.002-05:00

Corgis are actually smart dogs. You wouldn't think so because Blazer can't figure out he is too short to jump onto the bed.

Clever dogs, like corgis, need lots of mental stimulation. A good way to keep them stimulated and prevent them from gnawing on your furniture is give your dog treat dispensing toys. Pop in some treats or dry kibble and let your dog roll the toy around in attempts to get the food to drop out. Or if you have a Kong toy or hollowed bone, smear a thing layer of peanut butter inside of a toy. Dogs love peanut butter and will do anything to get to it.

Example of a treat dispensing toy:

New Week; New Wallpaper - 1-4-10

2010-01-04T00:28:00.004-05:00

555 Design
Click image for larger - 1440 × 900

C3PO is probably one of the most disliked characters in Star Wars, after Jar Jar Binks and the new trilogy Anakin "I hate sand" Skywalker.

And yet, even a fussy stick-up-his-exhaust-port robot can look pretty badass when frozen on Hoth.

Fashion Math: Sweater shorts?

2010-01-02T18:58:00.004-05:00

After a bout of Lake Effect Snow and a very cold New Year's Eve, I've apparently caught a head cold right before I have to go back to substitute teaching. Amazing timing,

Since it is so cold, it's only natural that I feel the need to be extra cozy and layer up on thermal underwear and sweaters and six throw blankets. It's January. Everyone feel like that. However, I feel as if Forever 21 hasn't quite gotten the right idea about sweaters...

Posh Spice rocking the sweater

Sweater Shorts

Corgi Tuesday - December 29

2009-12-29T10:01:00.005-05:00

It's no secret that I'm an anime fan. I am an unusual one because I hate terrible anime (which there is a lot of) and I bathe regularly. But one stereotypical anime fan thing I do is like Cowboy Bebop. Everyone likes Cowboy Bebop, even people who hate anime.

For once, cosplay done right.

How can anyone not like Cowboy Bebop? It has about everything you could want in a TV show. It has great music, vampy trampy women, the mafia, bounty hunters, accidental ingestion of hallucinogenics, Kareem Abdul Jabar in the future, and... a genius corgi!

This is why 2/3's of corgis are named Ein.

If you feel like taking a TV break today, watch a corgi-centric episode: Episode 2 - Stray Dog Strut. It is worth watching for the savage corgi attack and chase scene (part 2 for those who want to skip to it).

New YEAR; New Wallpaper - 12-28-09

2009-12-28T01:52:00.002-05:00

artist unknown
click image for large - 1600px × 1000px

It's New Years! Go out and do shit! Get your taxes files in a month from now!

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T01:02:00.005-05:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS YA'LL

THE NRA BLESSES YOUR FAMILY

Crazy Shit I Have Witnessed - Christmas Bread

2009-12-24T06:30:00.003-05:00

Impulse buy from the bakery last year! Braided Christmas bread!

It looks a lot more interesting than it tastes. It was tasty bread but it was all the same flavor with food coloring.

For Christmas Eve, please enjoy a Cold War era carol:

Last Minute Wishes: Lazertits and bows

2009-12-23T07:57:00.005-05:00

Dear Santa:

I know it's rather late in the season to be writing to you and I'm about 17 years older than your usual audience. But this is an emergency. See, I was browsing "Not Just A Label" and came across somethings I need.

I am not a jewelry person, save earrings. I wear cheap costume jewelry like earrings the size of tea saucers or necklaces that my aunt gives me for my birthday. But I seriously could use this black leather ring.

Black Leather Origami Ring

See? It's in the shape of a bow, so it is Christmas themed in a way.

Also I need this dress for New Years Eve ASAP.

Batteries not included (also the lasers aren't real)

First off all, I'm a nerd and nerds love lasers which is why I often black out and find myself suddenly conscious at Pink Floyd laser shows. Nerds love lasers because lasers means technology and science fiction, which are areas where nerds are comfortable with. If it reminds us of light sabers and phasers, we're all for it.

Secondly, it is a dress that is described as a "[h]ot partydress with lazertits." Lazertits. That's two great things combined there; lasers and breasts. Inside the green part is a small picture of rocks which brings to mind a funny image of someone trying to see the picture while the dress is being worn by a stranger.

Alright Santa. Peace out!

Corgi Tuesday - December 22

2009-12-22T02:51:00.003-05:00

Santa?!

New Week; New Wallpaper - 12-21-09

2009-12-21T01:52:00.002-05:00

artist unknown
click image for large - 1229px × 819px

I love church on Christmas eve. You come out at midnight and everything is muffled into silence yet the outside world radiates a quiet happiness. Snow doesn't smother sound but rather dampens it with a fluffy blanket of fresh snow.

Merry Christmas.

Gift Guide for Men (you hate)

2009-12-18T05:19:00.006-05:00

It is a bit late in the Christmas season for a gift guide, but I really want to help my readers. There are many articles and websites dedicated to what to get your dad, your boyfriend, and your brother. We do things different here at Goodlookingcorgi.

This is a gift guide for men you hate (or men who like bright pastels, are probably too tan, and are from Miami). All you have to do is spend a lot of money at Lilly Pulitzer.

For your brother or cousin who can't stop making testicle references:

Capri Trunks

Everyone knows That Guy who won't stop talking about his crotch. Give him a subtle joke with swim trunks with what looks like beach balls all over it.

Gift is also appropriate for: men who have suffered testicular torsion, Lance Armstrong.

For the weird IT guy who wears Hawaiian shirts:

Printed Necktie (in Limeade Piranha)

It's a really loud necktie in nauseatingly bright colors. That's all there is.

Gift is also appropriate for: Anyone you've ever known, your dad if he complains "Don't get me another necktie that I'll never wear."

To any nerd you've wanted to beat up on for simply being too nerdy:

Wyeth Shirt - in "Blue Twirly"

Men always look better in a button down shirt but that doesn't excuse the kind of guys you know wear pocket protectors. See the pattern name is "Blue Twirly" which is sounding a lot like swirly which is what you do to nerds. This a subtle swirly to whoever wears this shirt.

Gift is also appropriate for: The weird IT guy who wears Hawiian shirts.

To any man you can trick into wearing this:

Peter Blazer

Don't forget the matching pants.

Phipps Pants

Bad ass jewelry + animal cruelty

2009-12-17T04:25:00.004-05:00

Everyone: have your significant other return whatever s/he is getting you because it won't be as awesome as what you can get here. I have designed the most bad ass line of jewelry in the world. I'm gonna put that Wendy Brandes out of business for good! Take that, Wendy! You with your gold and your gems and your cute chicken necklaces!

How to make an instant ouroboros necklace or bracelet:

You will need:

A live snake of desired size

Step 1. Find a snake.

Step 2. Put snake in a small enclosure. Wait until it bites it's own tail.

Step 3. Put snake around neck or wrist.

GENIUS. Nobody steal this idea, ok? I need that money to become a millionaire. Then I can buy that cute egg and chicken necklace.

Scarves blow; Neckies rock

2009-12-16T20:48:00.002-05:00

Everyone knows that if you want to look fashionable French, wear a scarf.

Well, that fact has just been shattered. Scarves are overdone. Now it's time for the next big thing:

Why the Necky is better than a scarf:

No "chilly gaps and gaping holes"!
It is designed to keep you chest and neck warm, unlike scarves!
It is available in "Designer Leopard"!!!!!
You can't shut it in a car door (like I frequently do with my hair)
You can use it cover your face!
It folds up into it's own pouch and you can put it in your pocket!
Your kids will never lose it because kids never lose the crap they put in their nasty hobbit pocketses!
I'm so excited and I just can't hide it!

Citations: Scarves are too hard and you have to be a genius to put one on. Eat that, pashima shawls!

Corgi Tuesday - December 15

2009-12-15T02:50:00.001-05:00

Did I hear a request for Nutcracker music set to cute dog stunts with multiple camera angles? No? Well, too bad. You're getting that anyway.

Note: Actually it's not a good idea to let your corgi jump from high heights often. The people in the video say their corgi doesn't do it anymore.

New Week; New Wallpaper - 12-14-09

2009-12-14T01:51:00.004-05:00

Double whammy of dual monitor goodness. For those of us with just one monitor, we'll just have to choose or split up the week. Monday-Wednesday, the first one, and we'll put up the second one of Thursday for the rest of the week.

Alpine by Gedeon Maheux at Iconfactory
Click here for different sizes

Alpine (second monitor) by Gedeon Maheux at Iconfactory
Click here for different sizes

Lady Gaga Confession

2009-12-11T06:40:00.005-05:00

This is goodlookingcorgi and I love Lady Gaga.

It hasn't been an easy realization. Becoming a Lady Gaga fan is like going through the Kübler-Ross five stages of grief.

1. Denial

At first, you see her and think, "Oh no, another generated pop star with crappy music. Forget this."

2. Anger

"LoveGame is the worst song in existence. I hate this song so much. It makes me want to kill something. Someone. Anything. This is the worst."

3. Bargaining

"Alright. Pokerface is pretty catchy. I have a soft spot for techno and club music. But that's no excuse for LoveGame. Then again I love Daft Punk and Technologic gives me a blinding headache anytime I hear it."

4. Depression

"I am way too snobby about music to admit to liking a pop star. I can't get Paprazzi out of my head to save my life. Ugh!"

5. Acceptance

"Bad Romance is too awesome. End of discussion."

How can you not like Lady Gaga? She is a crazy person who sings wonderfully, does a great Ray Charles impression on the piano, displays a beautiful yet hideous twist on female sexuality, and dances quite badly. She references Hitchcock films, David Bowie, 90s dance music, HG Giger, and gyroscopes. That's all stuff I like!

I wish I could wake up and put on a gyroscope in the morning. I don't even have a little gyroscope to wear as a hat. She has two different gyroscopes to wear because one is not enough for her. Lady Gaga is living the dream for me. (Incidentally, Lady Gaga does not show up on the first page of Google Image search when you type in "gyroscope". Is there something we can do to fix that?)

On the topic of Lady Gaga's crazy clothing, I want a huge faux polar bear robe to wear. For one, it looks pretty warm and cozy provided you didn't trip over it while running down the store when FedEx people ring the doorbell. For two, it looks really cool. For three, it would keep tigers from attacking your back.

Bonus: Lady Gaga is a cenobite. She... Is... Pain.

Crazy Shit I Have Witnessed - An Incredibly Small Kitten

2009-12-10T07:24:00.001-05:00

A year ago, my little sister informed me that, in addition to the hulking black cat she took from home, she had adopted a small stray kitten. Assholes on the internet love cats. 4chan stalkers and lolcats have proved this to be law. Being an asshole on the internet, I love cats. I especially love kittens.

We arrived at her apartment. "He's in my room."

I burst down her bedroom door, driven for a thirst for kitten cuteness. But I see no kitten.

"He might be sleeping under my pillow."

Out crawled the tiniest kitten in the world, named Mr. Monk.

Those are normal sized pillows. He is an abnormal sized kitten.

Oh my lord. I couldn't believe. A kitten so small he slept in the gap between a pillow and the bed. He was so tiny that he couldn't jump off the bed. He would flip off the edge of the bed into a pile of pillows my sister provided to lessen the chances of injury and brain damage.

FYI: My school ID is the same size of a driver's license.

Mr. Monk is now about a year old and has grown into a large, lanky cat. He is also a complete and utter asshole who bites everyone and climbs window screens in his spare time.

Outfit download: The rest of November

2009-12-09T09:05:00.011-05:00

The patterned tights reappear! And unfortunately, this experiment went array. While patterned tights look adorable on my calves, they are less opaque on thighs. Well, live and learn to check that sort of thing in the mirror!

I love this blazer. Know why I bought it? It reminded me of the jacket the wizard father in "Ponyo" wears. Yes, I am dressing like an anime character. You can't get much nerdier than that.

I bought a sweater on Black Friday. Ok, it was at 6PM and the store was nearly empty, but hey, I actually went out on Black Friday. Didn't even have to murder a housewife to get the sweater either.

Also check out my space cowboy boots. Even after a year, I can't decide if they are awesome or dumb or both but I continually wear them. I like to feel like I'm a futuristic astronautical babe.

Do you know how often you can wear a sequined miniskirt? Turns out you can wear it all the time. This little skirt is one of the few good things I've found in Forever21. It's cute and sexy, isn't too sexy, goes with everything, and best of all? It's SPARKLY!

Corgi Tuesday - December 8

2009-12-08T02:50:00.001-05:00

Grown corgis have baby-like proportions. It is only exaggerated when you see an actual corgi puppy. See that little guy? He doesn't even look real! He resembles more of a stuffed toy than an actual dog.

How to keep warm and look good at the same time: Accessories

2009-12-07T04:25:00.007-05:00

Winter Accessories

Gloves, hats, socks, etc. All these winter add-ons are cheap and they can change your outfit every day. Plus they can keep your limbs, head, and other non-torso parts warm.

Pops of color

Remember what I said about winter being dreary and gray? Accessories are easy ways to bring color to the crappy world of winter. If you wear bright enough colors, you may be mistakenly invited to a rave and, between the lights and the dancing, you can easily warm up before finishing you trip to the grocery.

Don’t spend much money on gloves

You will always loose them. They fall out of your pocket, get lost on public transit, or some dickhead steals them at the movie theater. You’ll never recreate that patching pair. So go cheap on gloves.

Cashmere Knit Gloves ... Smile Shark Menagerie Mittens

Cover your damn head! (and be ready to battle hat hair)

Your head never feels cold but it gives off a huge amount of body heat. Your body will sacrifice your limbs to keep warm. If you want warmer hands and feet, be sure to keep your head covered.

This hat owns, even if it looks dumb

Fortunately there’s a wide range of hats. A knitted beanie will do fine but a cloche looks feminine and adorable. A trapper hat or Ushanka* will keep both your head, ears, and sideburns safe from the chill. Failing that, throw a large scarf over your head in a pinch and rock it Babushka style.

For those of you who hate what hats do to your hair, bring a brush and a small spray bottle of detangling spray or leave in conditioner in your purse. Or just shave your head.

Cover your damn ears (if you hat doesn’t)!

My father has Dumbo ears. They are large and they stick out. My dad suffered a light case of frostbite as a child, so now his ears are painfully sensitive to sun, wind, and cold. If his ears hurt, then he gets cranky. It is no fun to be around a cranky Dad. Despite this happening every week, my dad refuses to wear earmuffs. “I don’t need them!” he shouts. At best, he pulls his hat down over his ears. No knit hat is really prepared to protect ears like that.

A good pair of earmuffs will keep you from getting mean with your children. Don’t get the headband kind though. No one looks good in those and they make your hair stick up. A huge pair of fluffy earmuffs will be toasty and will make any girl look adorable.

Panda Earmuffs.... Hello Kitty Earmuffs... Rabbit Fur Eatmuffs

Cover your damn neck!

Scarves are so fashionable that we will wear them in the heat of summer. So put one under your coat, especially if you are wearing anything cut lower than a turtleneck shirt.

The best thing about scarves? They keep your neck free from icy winds and vampires. The second, third, and fourth best things? They are colorful, easy to wear, and cheap.

Lake Quinautl Lodge Scarf.... Fashion scarf

Cover your damn… I mean, keep your feet warm.

Your feet are pretty far away from your body. Blood has to travel from your toasty torso and meaty thighs but you start to loose warmth when that blood get to your body knees and calves. Face it; your feet are far from a heat source.

To keep your toes warm, layer your legs up. Wear tights, leggings, or long underwear under your pants. More heat will reach your feet. Wear wool socks. If get itchy and the though of wool, wear wool socks over a regular pair of socks.

Get a good pair of boots. You want something insulated, rated for temperature, at least mid-calf height, and good traction. Don’t even think of getting the standard ugly Uggs. There are tons of warm boots that actually have shape.

Speaking of which, waterproof your boots!

I own a pair of suede snow boots. I have learned my lesson that hard way.

Get those hand warmers

Know what’s not awesome? Frostbitten fingers. That’s not funny. If you are going to be spending any length of time in the deep cold, break out the hand warmers. You can put one in each of your boot and keep your toes from freezing for the rest of the day. Put one in your pocket to warm up your hands during a long walk. If it’s really cold, put a hand warmer inside your glove or mittens.

There are two kinds of hand warmers: reusable and single use. Reusable ones are, obviously, reusable. They give off heat for 1-2 hours and are reset by being boiled in water. Single use hand warmers get very hot when exposed to air and last approximately 8 hours.

Umbrellas make me want rain

The best thing about rainy days is that you can bring out the umbrella. There are so many shapes, colors, and patterns that get between you and precipitation, ensuring that you will forever have something awesome to cheer up a gray, damp day.

I am including umbrellas in a list of winter things because I get use out of my umbrella in the winter. With snow on the ground, comes sleet. If it isn't too windy and big, fat, wet clumps of snow are coming down, I take my umbrella out. It means a little less snow to brush off.

Clear umbrellas are the best. They look cool and you're slightly less likely to concuss someone walking near you.

Be My Valentine Heart Dome Umbrella

* If you want to wear an Ushanka, do not wear one with a USSR pin on the front. I see a lot of college boys and internet nerds wear their communist hats in the winter and that is no cool, guys. Yes, the hat is so warm that you practically don’t have to wear a coat. Yes, communist imagery is very iconic but it is tacky and insensitive. Just don’t have the hammer and sickle on your forehead.

Don't be this guy.

New Week; New Wallpaper - 12-7-09

2009-12-07T01:50:00.003-05:00

By Arylna
Click image for larger - 1920 × 1200

I wanted to make a Christmas balls joke but it is too obvious. I will just let you make up your own and please keep it to yourself, you filthy dirty person.

Christmas in The Netherlands: 6-8 black men

2009-12-05T07:11:00.007-05:00

It is tough to be in school in December before winter break. As a kid, you're full of hope and excitement at every day. You're not tired of the snow yet and you want to play outside and you keep counting down the days, hours, and minutes until Christmas. As a teacher, you can't wait to get rid of these squirrely kids. Teachers are faced with the dilemma of running out of things to teach before the semester is over, but if you teach something new, the children will just forget about it over Christmas break.

In elementary school (and sometimes high school), teachers resorted to Christmas trivia. I am not sure if you can still teach about Christmas in schools without having a fight break out between atheist vs. overly religious parents, but that's not the point. Usually Christmas trivia included the history of our holiday traditions and what people of other cultures did. The teachers pretty much did stick to Christmas traditions because I didn't know what Hanukkah was about until I was old enough to use Google.

In high school, we were assigned a little week long project to keep us busy while our teacher wasted money and time on eBay holiday shopping. I was assigned the Netherlands. That is how I came across the rather odd sounding story of Zwarte Piet (Black Pete), who is the black faced helper of Sinterklass.

While I did get an A- on my four minute presentation, I would rather let a much better writer describe how the Dutch celebrate Christmas. The following video is a shortened version of what David Sedaris's wrote on the subject.

David Sedaris's full reading of "Six to Eight Black Men":
Part one, part two, and part three.

How to keep warm and look good at the same time: Coats

2009-12-04T01:07:00.009-05:00

For the last couple of years, I did not have a good winter coat. I had my light trench coat and a sheepskin jacket. Neither was able to really keep me going in the blizzard-covered tundra known as a college campus. In fact last year, the long winter began to feel like the last act of Diablo II (expansion pack). There were goblins and assassins and winter just took forever to get through. I had outgrown my parka thanks to a late growth spurt. Never again will I make that mistake.

My daily commute in the winter

How to find the perfect coat

Take into account your circumstances

If you live in New York, you will need a different coat than someone in Texas. If you’re in Florida you’ll need something lighter than someone in Upper Peninsula Michigan. Will you be facing cold rain or tons of snow?

Geographic location plays a big part obviously. But keep in mind your life style. Do you spend a lot of time hiking? Or do you drive to work and are exposed to the winter for five seconds a day?

Do your research

When you buy a coat, make sure to see if it’s rated. Many outdoor stores like LLBean have coats rated for how low the temperature can get while you remain comfortable. Many places that sell more fashionable/less utilitarian coats do not have ratings. Surprisingly ModCloth has a rough rating system for their coats.

Favor natural materials….

Thinsulate is over-rated, in my experience. The warmest you can be is when you’re inside a down filled coat. It is like being wrapped in a giant comforter for goodness sake!

Leather, cashmere, wool, and down are good friends to have in the coat business.

… except for waterproofed or wind breaking.

I love down but staying dry is awesome too. That polyester forms a giant plastic bag around that down comforter of a coat, keeping big fat snowflakes from melting on you.

Get more than one coat

I have a lot of coats. Probably too many. That’s ok though. I get all four seasons, plus a few extras when standard spring/summer/fall/winter decide to mix together.

Due to my circumstances, I like to have three: a light spring/fall coat, a heavy winter coat, and a raincoat. Previously I had done fine without the raincoat but now I herd small children around outside while waiting for their parents to pick them up. That raincoat paid for itself the first time I wore it.

Optional but useful: A dressy coat for special events, a second spring/fall coat that is slightly heavier/lighter, one awesome leather coat just so you can be a bad ass.

Get a detachable hood

Hoods are great for keeping your head warm. A really good hood can be closed over your face, like South Park’s Kenny. A hood over a hat will keep you warm through anything. Well, except maybe the freezing vacuum of space but if that was your situation, you would have bigger problems to worry about like depressurization and a lack of oxygen.

Detachable is a must for me. I like having a warm head but I hate that wadded up hood at the back of the neck on long drives.

Make sure everything is long enough

A heavy-duty winter coat should not stop at hip length. But I really dislike knee length coats because I associate knee length parkas with homeless people and Vietnamese exchange students who have trouble with the cold.

The perfect length is one that at least covers your butt, even when you sit down. A cold snowy metal bench is the worst place to put your non-insulated butt. So make sure your coat is long enough.

You don’t have to look like a marshmallow man.

Not very flattering...

I call these coats Marshmallow Coats. I’ve heard terms like Michelin Man and puffy coat throw around too. And North Face jackets might keep you warm on the slopes, they do look like black (or dark green) shapeless blobs. You can do better than that!

Look for details

If you’re going to get a big puffy coat, go for the nice details. Look for quilted patterns, rather that the lumps that look like love handles. Keep an eye out for colored zippers, fur trimmed hoods, and nice textures.

For example, this is my winter coat. It isn't the most flattering shape, but it has a lot of little details to make it fancier than a mega-coat of blackness. Quilted pattern, nice fur trim, and (unseen) gold colored snaps and zippers that contrast nice with the navy. Also since I am indoors, I am sweating to death in this picture.

Look for colors

Winter blows because it is dark from 4PM until about 9AM. The daylight in-between is heavily filtered through gray clouds. And that light, fluffy cake frosting snow? Usually it turns into a gray icy sludge before lunch time.

Winter is generally depressing. Do you know what isn’t depressing? Colors. Really bright colors. Combat Season Affective Disorder by wearing a coat that isn’t black, gray, or dark green!

Brooches

Pin a giant gaudy cheap brooch to your coat collar. The bigger and sparklier? The better.

My stepmother introduced me to the idea of wearing jewelry on the outside of your coat, rather than keeping everything nice underneath it. She has a system too; each of her (bajillion) coats has an assigned broach that she keeps on the collar. I don’t suggest keeping with such a rigid system. Change pins regularly and you'll finally have a use for all those Christmas themed pins your great aunt has gifted you.

Fashion Math: Wizard did it

2009-12-03T16:15:00.006-05:00

If being a warrior princess isn't your bag, you can try a more magical look.

Hautelook: Meghan Fabulous Anya Dress

I put on my robe and wizard hat.

Time to decorate

2009-12-01T11:01:00.000-05:00

It's post-Thanksgiving and now it's officially December. Time to decorate for Christmas. If you need help, you might need to see this guy:

Corgi Tuesday - December 1

2009-12-01T08:49:00.001-05:00

Blazer looks so sad! He has no reason to be sad. He gets played with and has food twice a day. But I admit he gets bored so easily. Corgis are clever dogs and, even if they are lazy, they tend to get bored.

New Week; New Wallpaper - 11-30-09

2009-11-30T01:50:00.002-05:00

artist unknown
click for large - 1680x1050

Now it is appropriate for Christmas decorations. I know some radio stations have been playing holiday music since the day after Halloween. Some people never even take down their Christmas decorations; they just don't plug in their fairy lights between January and October.

I like to wait until the start of December or at least until after American Thanksgiving.

Black Friday

2009-11-27T02:09:00.003-05:00

Early post for you guys who are leaving the house super early for the mall today.

The day after Thanksgiving and it's the officially holiday season, even though Target had a Christmas section set up in mid-September. Black Friday comes to the general public and I am barricading myself in the house.

My readers aren't the kind of people who would trample an old lady for a cheap DVD player. But I want to issue a reminder for everyone: don't murder people. Manslaughter is not advisable either. I know you really want to get your gifts right now but seriously, chill out. It's Christmas time.

Corgi Tuesday - November 24

2009-11-24T07:00:00.000-05:00

Once again, not Blazer but a corgi that does exactly what Blazer does when someone is lying down on the floor. You know, at his level.

How to keep warm and look good at the same time - General Tips

2009-11-23T10:45:00.004-05:00

Lucky Strike
Everyone everywhere says that they have the worst weather, wherever they may live. Even if they are from Florida or Hawaii, they will tell you it’s not as nice as you think it is. No one likes his or her own weather.

However I am convinced that Indiana has not the worst, but at least some pretty damn bad weather. We’re a four-season climate situated in the center of a continent and we’re right next to a giant lake. So we get the hottest, stickiest summers and really cold, snowy winters. Chicago people complain about the cold wind that comes off the lake but northern Indiana gets the cold AND a heaping helping of the dreaded Lake Effect Snow that Canadians can relate to.

What makes Indiana so bad is the schizophrenic weather. I’ve read “You know you’re in Indiana when you have to use your car’s A/C and heater in the same day.” Know what? It’s true. We’ve had surprise blizzards in May and sudden 70 degree sunny days in January. Truly our weather is mentally ill. The weather gods are moody and bipolar. If they feel like being sunny and blue skies in the morning, it can easily turn into a hailstorm/tornado combination with eerie green skies during your lunch hour.

Basically, I’m saying that I am fully qualified to talk about how to keep warm during the winter months.

McCall Homemaking Cover

How to keep warm and look good at the same time - General Tips

Favor natural materials

Remember that one dress you got when you were in junior high? It was made of rayon, acrylic, polyester and you thought it was so cute. It probably itched like hell. Remember how it made you sweat through the homecoming dance but the slightest breeze cut right through. Learn your lesson.

Natural fibers are general much more comfortable and are very good at trapping in heat. Wool, cashmere, angora, and silk are great at keeping you warm without making you spontaneously combust because they can breathe. Leather is ridiculously good at keeping the wind from getting to you. Cotton is not the warmest but it is soft and is great for layering up underneath your coat. If you’re not against fur, it is extremely warm but beware that certain kinds of fur, like rabbit, can make you too warm and are better used for accessories or the trim of a coat.

Layer, layer, layer!

Layering is fashionable, so dear reader, you probably know what you’re doing.

Not quite the same thing.

Layering is the foundation of staying warm. Many thin layers traps heat better than one or two thick layers. Layers fill up the gap between you and your coat and keep your body heat from leaking from the bottom, top, and sleeves of your coat. Layering is also useful for when you start to heat up; if you get hot, start to remove or open up one layer at a time.

Indiana’s weather necessitated layering long before all the cool kids started doing it. That’s why all Hoosiers spent the 80s and 90s with a sweater tied around their waist, even if it looked really stupid. We just never knew if it was going to be really cold. And wearing layers was necessary in case a freak bout of heat broke out and you didn’t want to die of heat exhaustion.

Layering has less extreme daily applications. You’re grandmother is always right; movies are always too cold. And your office is inevitable way too hot, when the heater isn’t broken in the middle of winter. The chances of your office being too warm are even greater if you work with someone who is pretty sweaty and malodorous at the best of times.

Cover every inch.

I have fairly long arms. Therefore the bane of my existence is that gap between where the sleeve ends and where your gloves begin. Snow always gets in there, even if I wear long gloves.

Your skin is always giving off heat. If you want to conserve that heat, keep it trapped close to your body. The more bare skin you expose to the wind, the more body heat will be stolen away from the rest of your body, starting with your limbs. Your body knows which parts to keep warm to keep you alive, but it can't keep you comfortable. If you keep your jacket open, your body will work to keep your torso warm while your arms and legs will not receive as warm, toasty blood.

Ice mask, C.T. Madigan / photograph by Frank Hurley

You are allowed to look ridiculous.

It’s winter. If it’s cold enough, no one is going to give a crap about how you look. Want to wear your dad’s giant flannel shirt over your coat. Do it. Want to wear Pete’s hat from “The Adventures of Pete & Pete”? Do it. Your ears will thank you. In the dreary gray of January, break out the neon yellow scarf, Red Riding Hood red coat, and striped green gloves.

Look at those kids from the supremely annoying GAP ads: They are wearing a dozen different things and they are happily cheerleading. I mean, yes they are getting paid but you’d be pretty happy too if you were wearing a bunch of ridiculous crap and were super toasty.

But I still hate the GAP and their creepy Satanic Christmas commercials. This year everyone merely look like they have taken a lot of Ecstasy, instead of looking like rapists.

New Week; New Wallpaper - 11-23-09

2009-11-23T01:49:00.003-05:00

artist unknown
Click for larger - 1600 × 1000

"In Spring of youth it was my lot
To haunt of the wide world a spot
The which I could not love the less -
So lovely was the loneliness
Of a wild lake, with black rock bound,
And the tall pines that towered around"

- Edgar Allen Poe, To The Lake

Outfit Round up for Nov. 16, 17, and 19

2009-11-22T10:55:00.003-05:00

Alright, time for one big outfit post.

I am a planning type of person. I lay out my clothes the night before. Some days that doesn't work out so well. Some days I can't stop fidgeting with my clothes. I amke up an outfit, decided I dont' like some piece, switch it out something else, realize now things don't go, and I end up wearing something entirely different than I originally planning. It was one of those days.

This dress has a funny little story.

Years ago, I was the biggest tomyboy you can imagine. All oversize t-shirts, sweatshirts, and jeans three sizes too large. My father occasionally nagged that I should dress better. One day at Target, my father had a fit about this. He grabbed a dress from a nearby rack and said, "Here! Take this!" I tried it on to make sure it fit and suddenly it was in my closet for years without having been worn.

Now that I enjoy wearing dresses, I put it on and discovered that it was a badly made dress from Target which is just as surprising as Lady Gaga not wearing pants. Fortunately I prayed to the sewing gods and removed the horrible belt it came with. Would you look at that? I almost look like I know what I'm doing!

Being a teacher means I tend to dress a bit awkwardly. I hate the standard outfit of a cardigan + khakis + sneakers, so I try to vary it up. At least the students remember me. However, I have to be careful of two things: comfortable shoes and necklines. Comfortable shoes are necessary because I'm only my feet all day. As for necklines, that's pretty straight forward, especially if you're working with teenagers.

Goodlookingcorgi: Warrior Duchess

2009-11-19T05:24:00.003-05:00

Fashion and math go to together so well.

I was a little girl in the 90's, so I grew up on a lot of angry girl music and Girl Power themed television. Keep in mind: I watched a lot of USA Network and I was a huge nerd. Those two facts explains exactly why my inner 9 year old jumped for joy at a new arrival at Forever21.

Forever21 - Belted Warrior Skirt

+

AYAYAYAY!

I don't care if Xena: Warrior Princess was cheesy as hell. As far as my young self was concerned, if it was like a Dragonlance novel in action form, then it was awesome.

Outfits for Nov. 5 and Nov. 11

2009-11-18T02:35:00.003-05:00

Once again I have a lazing around the house outfit.

I am hesitant to posts lazy day outfits but I want to show people that it's ok to have lazy days. But it's possible to look and feel good on those lazy days. It's eays to throw on sweatpants or stay in your PJs all day, but I find that I feel sleepy all day, as if I never really woke up. Putting on good clothes, even on housebound sick days, makes me feel more focused and away.

When I'm not schlubbing it in a cozy sweatshirt and leggings, I'm digging some new trends. Specifically, I'm digging those sequins which are now super popular. I can't tell if they are going to be in style for the next year or if they are just in style for the Christmas season. It's hard to tell because glittery shiny things get extra attention right before Christmas. Either way, I'm going to be Liberace-ing things up for a while. I won't get a BeDazzler, I promise.

Aww, the Piano Belt. Piano Belt was one of my signature items while I was in college. See, one day I wore it in front of all of my friends, as we lazily sprawled across stolen chairs in the common area.

"That's a really cool belt!" my friends said.

One particular friend spoke up, "It would be even cooler if it actually played like a piano. Then you could play a theme song every time you enter a room."

Ever since then I have not only wished my belt was capable of making music, I also have been working on a theme song. I could just settle on Star War's "The Imperial March" for dramatic effect but I want to be original. Every wanna-be evil person with a pair of speakers can play "The Imperial March".

2009-11-17T06:21:00.001-05:00

Oh Blazer. We buy the dog bed and you won't lie in it until your nasty blanket is finished being washed. What a picky dog.

Oops!

2009-11-16T16:27:00.002-05:00

Sorry folks! It's a been a busy week and I plain forgot to write up anything. Things will resume normally tomorrow.

Oh and here's a black cat in a rainbow blanket.

Christmas Shoes

2009-11-09T05:50:00.001-05:00

Target has had their Christmas decorations up by the end of September. Many other stores lagged behind, with their holiday displays appearing the week before Halloween. Now that Thanksgiving is nearing, it is ok to indulge in a little early Christmas spirit.

You'll never top this shirt

But how to celebrate the holidays in a new way? Your Christmas sweater from last year shrunk in the wash. Holidays sweatshirts with tress that light up and play music on your chest are reserved for That One Woman in your office; if you try it, she'll get angry and tell everyone that you're copying her style.

You're too cool for all that. You need Christmas themed shoes.

Snow Bunny .... Apres Ski .... Ivanna

Oh Irregular Choice, you're silly humorous ways make holiday shoes look ridiculous and awesome at the same time. You're the magical fairy of ridiculous footwear to people like me who cannot afford crazy runway shoes.

New Week; New Wallpaper - 11-9-09

2009-11-09T01:48:00.003-05:00

Jurassic Park reenactment by Team Fortress 2.

artist unknown
click image for enlargement - 1600 × 1000

Clever girl.

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Sweater Vest

2009-11-05T13:40:00.002-05:00

Forever21 - Rainbow Toggle Cardigan

I swear I've seen this before, but I can't think of where. It's not like I know anyone who would wear a rainbow sleeveless sweater-

Oh.

Poker Face

2009-11-04T21:01:00.005-05:00

I have a love/hate relationship with Lady Gaga. On one hand, she is a crazy person who made that terrible "disco stick" song that my roommate would play in her car every time we went to get groceries.

On the other hand, Lady Gaga is a crazy person who literally walks around in a leotard and Muppets. And she makes a bazillion dollars by doing that. And "Poker Face" is a ridiculous video with a very catchy tune. She's a mixture of Euro-trash and a performance artist's senior project.

Kermit noooooo!

Meanwhile, Christopher Walken is the beloved icon of many geeks and internet dwellers. Mr. Walken is a mixture of creepy, awkward, and awesome. He probably can shoot lasers out of his eyes

Lady Gaga as read by Christopher Walken

Man, you've really made it if Christopher Walken is somehow involved in making fun of you.

Bonus: Jude Law dramatic reading of "Poker Face".

Corgi Tuesday - November 3

2009-11-03T08:47:00.002-05:00

It's hard to look terribly dignified when you are so sausage shaped and you are laying on a Hello Kitty blanket.

New Week; New Wallpaper - 11-2-09

2009-11-02T01:48:00.002-05:00

artist unknown
click image for large - 1600px × 1200px

I have never gone duck hunting but I have gone fishing a couple of times as a little kid. Like my father before me, I found it dull. I'm too impatient for fishing. However, the above image makes sitting in a boat all day seem like a lovely way to pass an afternoon.

Outfit - Oct. 28

2009-10-30T08:00:00.006-04:00

While black is my staple, I'm not a black and white minimalist. Color is my game. I don't experiment with texture or patterns like the lovely Queen Michelle. But I gave it a shot today.

From the front, delicate school girl...

And from the side...

Awesome tights and heels.

The two tone tights got reactions from a few people. My family and friends were surprised when I turned around and said it was such a brilliant idea. (Thanks Chanel for inspiring knock offs!) They are surprisingly thick and sturdy. Bonus? They're reversible.

These heels are a great twist on the regular black Mary Jane. Just high enough to make me look good and not high enough to feel like Chinese foot binding. Great compromise.